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“And now I finally have a date with Dr. Hawthorne, but I’m not as excited as I should be. I’ve spent so much time with Colby lately, that my heart does this weird thing when he texts me, but it doesn’t when Dexter texts me. And I’m so nervous about this date that sometimes I can’t breathe! Oh, and I’m pretty sure I’m a terrible kisser!”
“Alright, sweetheart, let’s take a deep breath.”
I listen, closing my eyes and breathing deeply. I already feel better.
“So, you’ve essentially been dating Colby, and calling it lessons?” She asks slowly.
“No! Not at all. We just set up scenarios similar to if I was dating someone, so I can have practice. Then when the real thing happens, my awkwardness won’t take over.” As I say it, I realize she’s correct. I’ve practically been dating Colby Knight. How could I be so stupid? Of course, I’m confused. For weeks I’ve been spending all of my free time with a sexy hockey player, convincing myself this was all for future dates with someone else.
Gram smirks knowingly. “Colby is a very handsome and charming man; I can see why you’d be confused. Not to mention, he obviously has feelings for you.”
I scoff. “No. He doesn’t. He thinks he does. I’m the only woman who didn’t rip my clothes off for him the moment he made eye contact. I’m a novelty, a challenge.”
“You know, you’re pretty dumb for a smart person.”
“Gram!”
She chuckles. “That boy looks at you like you hung the moon. I noticed it the night of the gala, and again at the fantasy convention.” She pats my hand. “If Colby only wanted to sleep with you, he wouldn’t take the time to attend nerdy conventions to impress you. He wouldn’t invite your family over for dinner. He wouldn’t give you dating lessons.” She rolls her eyes. “He doesn’t act like he wants one night with you. He acts like he wants all the nights with you.”
I’m processing her words as she says them, and they actually make sense. But why would Colby want me? An uptight book nerd who spends her evenings at home. A girl no one ever notices.
“And what would make you think you’re a bad kisser?”
Her question pulls me from my thoughts. I’m not sure Gram ever found out about my college boyfriend. I wasn’t even worried about my brothers ruining his life after he broke my heart, but Gram? She would’ve hired a hitman or something. She tends to be unhinged.
“I had a boyfriend my junior year of college. His name was Travis,” I explain. “Me being young and naïve, I thought I’d meet someone in college and get married after graduation. Just like Mom and Dad.” I smile and Gram smiles back at me. Her eyes are soft, like she can already tell where this story is going. “He was handsome and charming, like Colby, and he was on a hockey scholarship. He was my first kiss, my first I love you.” I sigh, hating that I gave him those things. “I genuinely thought Travis loved me. He did all the right things, said all the right things. We were together for almost a year. Then he was tagged in a video that went viral across campus. It was of him in a hot tub with three girls, there was very little clothing involved.”
Gram’s face is calm, but I can tell she’s getting angry. It’s in the way she’s breathing short, shallow breaths. She’s trying to remain in control, but really, she wants to find this guy and make him wish he’d never been born. It reminds me of Colby’s reaction when he found out someone had cheated on me. Travis better hope Gram and Colby never gang up on him.
“Anyway, when I confronted him, he told me he was getting bored with me. Oh, and that I was a terrible kisser.” I sigh. “So, he left our relationship with a bunch of new girlfriends, and I left it with a shell of the self-confidence I’d had beforehand.”
“Does Colby know about this?” Gram asks, surprising me with her question.
I huff a humorless laugh. “Yeah. He looked as murderous as you do now.”
“Good.” Her jaw is clenched, but she takes a sip of her drink, trying to calm down. With a deep breath, she asks, “and this is why you’re fighting your feelings for Colby? You think he’ll be the same as this Travis guy?”
Biting my bottom lip, I consider her question before answering. “Honestly, yes. Colby feels dangerous. Looking at him makes my world tip on its axis. Thinking about him makes my stomach feel strange. I think he’s capable of hurting me in ways no one else ever could. He has a power over me that I don’t like.”
She smiles knowingly, maybe that’s how she felt about my grandfather too. “I understand. And you think the professor is safe? You think you could have feelings for him too?”
“Yeah, I think we make sense. I find him attractive, and I’ve wanted him to ask me out for a while. Shouldn’t I at least go on the date?”
Gram takes a moment to think. Her barely visible grey eyebrows drawing together. “Go on your date with the professor. You already said yes. But when you’re out with him, really try to see if you can picture a future with him. And if you could have chemistry.”
I nod and open my mouth to speak, but she brings her hand up gesturing for me to shut up.
“I’m not finished. Go on this date with the professor, but don’t kiss him. Kissing one man when you’re thinking of another would make you no better than that sleazy college boyfriend of yours.”
“Fair enough.”
“And sweetheart,” Gram says, leveling me with a serious stare. “Someone is only a bad kisser if they have the wrong partner. And something tells me Colby could teach you plenty about kissing. Maybe take advantage of those dating lessons.” She gives me a saucy wink.
CHAPTER 21
NOEL
Friday night, Dexter picks me up from my apartment and drives us to a UK style pub downtown near the arena. After the drive here, where the conversation lagged, I’m thankful for the noise of the pub. We’re seated in comfortable leather chairs at the bar. Dexter ordered an IPA and I got some fancy, fruity cocktail called The Eagle. The bar, floor, and walls are all polished wood, but it gives the place a cozy vibe. A pregame sports show is playing on screens all around the pub and the place is buzzing with excitement about the game.
