Page 61

I drag a hand through my hair nervously. “Kind of. I mean, I’d like to be…”

“But?”

That coiling sensation of steel wrapping itself around my heart starts up. That feeling of shutting down, of hiding behind my barrier. But if I want anything with Andie, if she’ll even have me, I have to relearn how to talk, how to process things in a healthy way.

What would Noah do? He’d be brave.

“I just feel like it’s hopeless to try, like I’ll never be good enough, anyway. Or worse, I'll get attached and she’ll leave. She’ll figure out I’m not worthy of her and leave me in the dust. Just like everyone else.”

Dr. Curtis is quiet for a beat, maybe thinking about how insane I am, or maybe giving me a moment of peace to reflect on the words I just said. Maybe both.

When he finally speaks, his voice is calm and steady. “Mitch, it’s understandable that you fear people leaving you, given what you’ve been through. And, of course, love is always a risk. There are no guarantees when it comes to love and relationships. But despite what anyone has told you before, they didn’t leave because of you, they left because of themselves. They left because of their own selfish desires, or perhaps some internal struggle they had. But it had nothing to do with you. The things people say and do usually have everything to do with themselves… and nothing to do with us.” He pauses, his eyes laser focused on mine. “You, Mitch Anderson, are a good person. You are worthy of love, and worthy of happiness. And you should chase after it.”

I sit there for a long time, looking down at my hands, contemplating what he just said. Letting myself feel the weight of his words, and trying to let them sink in. But as much as I want to take them to heart and really believe what he said, I have a lifetime of negative thoughts to regroup from. It’s going to take longer than five minutes for my heart to accept this new information.

But I want to believe them. I really do.

CHAPTER 25

ANDIE

Tuesday during my lunch break at work—AKA stuffing food down my throat as fast as I can before returning to my patients—I check my phone for the first time since I woke up this morning. My heart leaps when I see I have three missed texts from Mitch.

Big Man

Hey Blondie. Want a ticket for tomorrow’s game? I can get Noah a ticket too, if you want.

Big Man

I know you’re not really into hockey… so, no pressure.

Big Man

But I heard the Eagles’ ugliest player will finally be back tomorrow.

I laugh as I read the texts.

Andie

I’d love to come watch the Eagles’ hairiest player. Let me see if Ronda can hang out with Noah. It’d be fun to come cheer for you without Noah judging me.

Big Man

Sure. Just let me know.

Big Man

P.S. I’m not hairy.

I burst out laughing and one of the other nurses in the break room, who’s currently trying to have a phone conversation, gives me a funny look.

I mouth the word Sorry.

Ronda strides into the break room in her confident way and slumps down in the chair next to me. “I’m getting too old for this,” she mutters.

“Oh stop it. You’re healthy as an ox.” I take the last bite of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, licking my fingers for good measure, when I muster up the bravery to talk to Ronda about the game tomorrow. “So, umm.”

She pins me with a knowing look. I straighten my spine and continue, “I know you’re already helping me out a ton, but I’d like to go to Mitch’s game tomorrow. I was wondering if you might hang out with Noah for me?”