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Noah chuckles a low laugh under his breath. “Whatever you say.”

I smile at my little brother. “This is nice.”

He wrinkles his nose, then turns and walks down the hallway into the living room. “What’s nice?”

I follow him and we both sit on the sofa. “This.” I gesture between the two of us. “Us talking. I like when you talk to me, it feels like old times. You used to be so chatty during FaceTime, but now you’re so quiet around me.”

His shoulders tense and he looks away from me. Of course, I ruined the moment. Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut?

“It’s just that,” Noah starts, but slams his mouth shut and runs a hand through his dark hair.

“Yeah?” I encourage him to continue, but try not to come across as desperate.

“You look so much like her.”

Tears fill my eyes, knowing he’s referring to Mom.

“Sometimes it’s hard to look at you, it just makes me miss her so much.” His voice is barely above a whisper and his admission absolutely breaks my heart.

“I understand,” my voice breaks. “You remind me so much of Dad, Noah. This is all so hard.” I squeeze his shoulder and he doesn’t pull away. “I miss them too. So much.”

He nods and one lonesome tear streams down his face. His shoulder leans into my hand so slightly, I almost think I’m imagining it. I want to hold my brother, to hug him. But he’s not a little boy anymore, and I’m scared to push him, scared that he’ll retreat from me again. So I keep my hand on his shoulder until he excuses himself to take a shower and head to bed.

Once Noah’s room is quiet and I’m sure he’s asleep for the night, I run a hot bath for myself. I need to relax my body and my mind after this day. I’m in a weird mood, like I'm feeling everything at once. I feel hopeful after my interaction with Noah and him finally opening up to me. I feel broken that it’s hard for him to look at me because it makes him miss Mom. I feel an ache in my chest at how much I miss Mom and Dad and wish they were here. I feel exhausted emotionally and physically from work today.

It’s all too much.

Pouring my favorite bubble-gum-scented kids’ bubble bath into the hot water, I inhale the scent and take a deep breath. Bubble gum may not be the most relaxing scent, but it sure makes the best bubble. The only tub is in the master bedroom, my master bedroom, I remind myself. Even though my parents’ belongings still fill the space. This is my home now, I need to stop thinking of it as just my parents’ place. I love that their memory will always be here, but part of me still feels like a visitor just passing through. I know Mom and Dad would want me to feel at home here, so I need to make more of an effort to make it feel that way.

Starting with moving my crap up here to the master and turning my old room downstairs into a home gym. All I’d need is a squat rack and weight bench and I’d be set. Lifting was always my stress release during the long work weeks that come with being a travel nurse. Not to mention difficult patients or weeks where we dealt with a lot of death. It’s part of the job, but that doesn’t make it easy… physically or emotionally. I need to be strong, not just for myself and my job, but to be a good example to my brother.

But tonight, I’m sliding into this bubble bath, turning on a mind-numbing audiobook, and relaxing. Tomorrow, things are changing.

Tapping on my phone, I find my audiobook app and press play on the book with the golden retriever of a hero, Prince Romeo. I slip into the water and an embarrassing amount of bubble-gum-scented bubbles. A good bubble bath is almost as good as a strenuous workout when it comes to stress relief.

This book is a Bachelor style romance where the prince has to find a wife, and a bunch of girls have been sent from different kingdoms. Prince Romeo is clearly in love with Alexandria already, and in his mind, none of the others even come close.

I sigh and sink deeper into the tub, closing my eyes as I listen to the story unfold. The hero is about to kiss the woman he loves, finally. But they’re interrupted a split second before their lips meet, by Jezebel, the book’s drama queen.

“No! Why??” I yell at the phone. I’ve yelled at this book more than I usually do. “I’m here for mindless relaxation and swoony kisses!”

Jezebel is fake crying and Prince Romeo takes her aside to see what’s wrong, leaving the woman he loves behind. I resist my urge to throw my phone across the room. Yeah, weight lifting is definitely the superior stress relief option. I grab my phone off the side of the tub, pausing the book. I can’t handle Romeo’s idiocy tonight.

Instead, I pull up Instagram and start mindlessly scrolling. The Washington Wombats page has a new post, it’s a graphic of the Wombats logo, the final score of tonight's game, and the background is a photo of Mitch talking to the boys on the bench. I smile at the sight of him towering over the boys, wearing his track pants and zip-up jacket. Too bad the sleeves aren’t rolled up to show off his tattoos.

I tap the photo to see if he’s tagged in it, and sure enough, he is. My heart leaps when I tap again and the gram takes me straight to his profile so I can cyber-stalk him. I’m left disappointed when he doesn’t even have a profile pic, and he only has one post. It’s a picture of him signing with the D.C. Eagles eight years ago. His young face is clean shaven, and his arms don’t appear to have any tattoos yet. I smile at this version of Mitch, he might look younger, but his expression is still the same grouchy one I’ve grown accustomed to.

I glance at the followers and see he has ninety thousand, but he’s not following a single account. I snicker, unsurprised by any of this. Mitch Anderson doesn’t strike me as someone who enjoys being in the public eye, or who thinks of posting on social media.

My stalking session reminds me I haven’t set up a time for Noah and Mitch to work together, so with a deep breath, I scroll to find the text he sent me after I gave him my number.

It’s short and not sweet, with only two words.

Big Man

It’s Mitch.

I type out and erase several different messages, unsure whether to be friendly, snarky, or funny. In the end, I choose simplicity, because he’s doing us a huge favor.