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Sophie

It’sFridaynight.Finally, an end to the longest week ever. It’s been exhausting to act normal when I’m falling apart inside. I have to stay positive for Samantha and my students, and it’s not like I haven’t been through difficult things before.

I tuck Samantha into her little bed and give her a snuggle and a kiss goodnight.

“‘Night, Mama.” She smiles and pats my cheek.

I smile back. She’s always the light on my darkest days. “Goodnight, Sammy girl.”

Softly, I close her door behind me and pad across the hallway to my bedroom. I just want to lie in bed and binge watch the rest of Bridgerton on my laptop. I press play on my screen, but my mind continues to wander.

Grief and heartbreak are achingly similar.

Drew has been giving me the space I asked him for, which I appreciate. He hasn’t been pushy or impatient. He texted me yesterday, telling me he misses me and asking that I come talk to him when I’m ready. I wanted to tell him I miss him, too. I miss him so much. I miss what we had and the trust there was between us.

Every time I see him he looks heartbroken. All I want to do is put the happiness back into his beautiful hazel eyes. But I don’t know if I can trust him with my heart again. And how can we have a relationship when he won’t even explain the situation to me? I understand his loyalty to his sister, but what about our relationship? We have to be able to be honest with each other.

I have so many questions.

It really sucks to feel happy again, just to have it all ripped away.

A knock comes from the stairway door, jolting me from my thoughts. I ignore the knock. It’s probably Drew. And I’m too exhausted to talk this out tonight. My phone pings from my night stand, I hesitate before glancing at the screen, expecting it to be Drew urging me to come open the door. But it’s from Emily.

Emily: Hey, it’s just me. Can we talk?

I exchanged numbers with Emily a few weeks ago when she watched Samantha and Penny so Drew and I could go on a date. We’ve never talked much, especially without Drew present. But I’m interested in what she has to say, so I get out of bed and walk to the door and open it.

Emily stands there with an apprehensive look on her face. She's in comfy clothes like she’s ready for bed: black leggings and an oversized Seattle Seahawks sweatshirt. She crosses her arms and hugs herself, like she’s nervous.

“Hey, come in,” I whisper.

She walks inside, and I lead her into the living room. She takes a seat on the couch, but avoids eye contact. “Thanks for letting me in.”

“Sure.” I take a seat next to her.

She glances at me briefly, then looks back down at her lap where her hands are. “I wanted to explain the situation with Penny.” She absently picks at her fingernails.

“First, Drew came to me after your first date. He told me he was serious about you. Really serious. And that he needed to tell you about Penny.” She swallows. “I begged him not to. Actually, I left because I was upset. We barely spoke to each other for a week.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.” It makes me feel a little better than he at least wanted to be honest with me. But he still chose not to be.

“Back when I was getting my undergrad, a few of the courses I was taking on campus were in the evening. And by the time class got out, it was dark.” She closes her eyes, her chest heaving as she takes deep breaths. “I was alone, walking to my car when a man came out of nowhere. It was too dark to see his face.” Her hands are trembling as she recounts the details to me. “But he …. he assaulted me. I didn’t report it or tell anyone. Not until a month later, when I found out I was pregnant.”

She pauses. “This obviously isn’t something I enjoy talking about. When I was pregnant with Penny, I was in a really dark place … emotionally.”

Her voice falters and I cover her trembling hands with mine. Her whole body is shaking now.

“Emily, I’m so sorry you went through that.”

“It was horrible. Drew was so angry—not at me, but at himself. He was angry he hadn’t been there to protect me. It was hard for me to move forward, and Drew was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, as usual. He tried so hard to get me to see a therapist or talk to someone. But I just didn’t want to relive the whole thing again.”

I nod, trying to wrap my mind around what that must have been like for them.

“I knew I wasn’t in a good mindset to raise a child, and I wasn’t financially independent. So I asked Drew to adopt the baby and raise her. I knew he’d be an amazing dad.” Her lips pull up into a sad smile. “And he is. I’ve never regretted my decision.” She takes a deep breath. “I told him I never wanted Penny to know she was conceived that way. I didn’t want her to carry that kind of trauma, and he agreed. We came up with that story about a one-night stand so he wouldn’t have to tell anyone what happened.”

I run my hand through my hair. “I feel awful that I was so hard on him. I had no idea.”

“You had no way of knowing. Drew has been an amazing brother and such a wonderful father to Penny. You can’t let him go, Sophie. There’s not a better or more trustworthy man out there.” She looks at me, her lips curving into a genuine smile.