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“I’ve never lied about anything else. Please believe me.”

“How am I ever supposed to trust you again, Drew?” She crosses her arms. “I need time to process this.”

“Soph. Please.”

“We agreed not to let our relationship impact the girls, so I will continue watching Penny after school.”

I don’t know what else to say, and she wants me to leave. I don’t want to go. I want to stay and talk this out, even if it takes all night. But she’s upset and hurt and maybe some time to think will be helpful. Maybe she just needs some space and then she’ll listen to what I have to say.

She has to. Because I love her and I can’t possibly let her go.

It’s taken me thirty-six years to find the love of my life, and now that I’ve found her, there’s no way I’m going to give up.

The next day drags by. I barely slept last night, tossing and turning. And the one hour I was actually asleep, I dreamt of Sophie. But it wasn’t a pleasant dream like the others. In the dream, she was on a cliff, dangling by one arm. I was on the ground, and the cliff was so steep I couldn’t get to her. When her hand slipped and she began to fall, I woke up with a start.

I never got back to sleep. And I’ve had a throbbing headache all day. No amount of ibuprofen seems to help.

Sophie won’t respond to any of my texts. I know a simple “I’m sorry” text isn’t enough, but I have no idea how to fix this.

I walk through the door when I arrive home from work and Sophie is in the kitchen as usual. Dinner smells good. Sophie is wearing the apron I got her for our cooking lessons months ago. I’m aching to wrap my arms around her and kiss her neck, to find shelter from this hurt in my heart. To have her comfort me with an embrace and her warm smile.

Closing the door behind me, I walk into the kitchen from the garage. Sophie hears the click of the door and spins to face me.

We stand there, looking at each other but not knowing what to say.

She turns back around and unties her apron before hanging it on the hook by the refrigerator.

“Samantha, get your shoes,” she calls as she walks down the hallway towards Penny’s room. “We’re heading home, okay?”

The girls meet her in the hallway. “Aren’t you guys eating dinner with us?” Penny asks, her brow furrowed in confusion.

“Sorry, Pen. We need to get home. I have papers to grade.”

I can’t see her face, but her voice sounds as sweet as always. She pulls Penny into a hug and that seems to ease her worries. Penny smiles and hugs Sophie back.

“Alright, bye Sammy!” Penny turns to hug Samantha too.

“I wanna pway wip Penny,” Samantha grumbles.

Sophie crouches down and picks her up before turning back towards me. “See you tomorrow, Drew.”

She smiles at me, but her eyes are sad. She’s not looking at me with the familiar affection I’ve come to crave from her.

I swallow, my throat feeling like sandpaper. “See you tomorrow. Goodnight Samantha.”

My voice comes out hoarse. I can’t even manage to smile. The muscles in my face can only seem to manage a frown at the moment.

She turns and carries Sam down the stairs. Penny walks into the kitchen and hugs me around the legs.

“Hey, Daddy. Don’t pout, we’ll see them tomorrow.”

Penny and I spend the rest of the evening together until I put her to bed. I love my time with Penny and I cherish it, but I miss having Sophie and Samantha here. I miss feeling like a family.

I miss feeling whole.

And it's only been one day.

After Penny goes to bed, I shower, then pick up my phone to call my sister. I need to tell her Sophie knows about Penny, but I also just need to talk to someone about all of this.