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She's still out there. At least, I had heard her call my name as I had stormed off like the unpredictable, cowardly fool that I was.

Panic and guilt overwhelmed me out of nowhere, and, with my last ounce of strength, I got up.

What have you done, Quentin?

No matter how unforgivable this betrayal was, my miserable heart beat for a part of this woman. And as long as I hadn't gotten rid of those feelings, I couldn't leave her out there. Especially not when I was the reason she was out there in the first place.

I knew that if I saw her sitting there with those goddamn tears on her face, my wall would break. I would be hers.

I should stay here. For Mom, Dad, Dylan, Delilah. I couldn’t let their deaths be for nothing. I owed them that.

But my impulses won out over my reason, and I staggered out of the kitchen, through my open living area, to the door, grabbed the door handle with a trembling hand, and yanked the door open.

Holding my breath, I stared out at my porch.

A melting trail of ice stretched across the landing, down the stairs, leading out into the night, losing itself along the path until it abruptly ended.

She was gone.

J was gone.

My heart pounding, I stared into the darkness.

I didn't know how long I stood there, frozen, as the realization carved its furrows through my mind.

I had lost her.

And finally, after a hopeless battle, the tide turned and reason fought its way back into my consciousness.

I had to erase her from the memory of my feelings, tear away every single fiber of her being that had wrapped itself around mine, no matter how much it would hurt.

Walking With Shadows

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My phone rang again in the distance. And when it wouldn't stop, I turned around and let my numb body wander through the ground floor until I reached the messy kitchen, grabbed my phone, and stared at the number on the display, which I had deliberately not saved.

My exhaustion wanted me to swipe the number away, but my reason won this battle too, and I swiped the green receiver aside, ignoring the dried blood on my hands as I lifted the phone to my ear.

“Quentin,” my boss's voice sounded. “Did I pick you up off the street so you could ignore my calls as a thank you?”

Even this man had to remind me that J had made me neglect my duties.

Hopefully she was at home. Far away from me.

The reason I had put her in front of my door? I hadn't wanted to destroy any more things in her presence.

But now my frustration returned. The frustration I felt toward Julie Blair.

That was all I was allowed to see in her if it would help me forget J.

My pathetic heart clenched.

“I'm sorry.”

My goddamn voice broke.

Silence.