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“You want me to help you repress everything.”
Caught out, realizing that this was indeed true, I avoided his gaze.
“Understand, it won't get better this way.” With two gentle fingers on my chin, he turned my head toward him. “You have to work through all this crap, and you can't do that if you keep it all bottled up inside.”
Damn, he really wanted me to cry.
If only he knew what was waiting inside me to burst out violently. The uncontrollable flood of pain and memories that would mercilessly overwhelm us both. And the last thing I wanted was for him to drown in my scars.
“What are you talking about?” I whispered, shaking my head as if he had just said something nonsensical. “I just can't.”
“What's holding you back?” Nash leaned his forehead against mine. “Or who?”
It just happened. Images of a person I wanted to forget corrupted my mind and something inside me froze. If it weren't for Nash's eyes, I would have been lost.
“Ezra, Vivienna, even my therapist... They all tell me to be strong and not cry,” I whispered even more quietly and squeezed my eyes shut.
Why couldn’t he just say the same thing?
“Your brother isn’t a good mental health advisor, your therapist is incompetent, and you already know my opinion of Vivienna,” he snorted.
I focused on keeping my eyes shut, trying to regulate my breathing.
“Being strong doesn't mean swallowing all the crap and pretending everything is fine.” His voice was soft, almost hoarse. “Being strong means showing weakness, crying when you feel like it.”
But I wasn't strong... When would he finally understand that?
“Crying is your body's coping mechanism.” He laughed softly, as if it were child's play. “You'll feel better.”
Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked at him.
“I've never seen you cry,” I realized, my voice breaking in my dry throat.
That gentle smile again. “I cry often, Sunshine.” For a second, he stared at one of the candles behind me. “Even if my father doesn't like to see it.”
“Your father...” I began, but Nash put a finger to my lips and shook his head.
“...is not the subject.”
I bit my lower lip impatiently.
“You are.”
That was exactly the problem.
“Do you know why we're here?” he began quietly.
I sighed. “You want your girlfriend to finally be ready to be admitted to a psychiatric ward.”
How I had managed to avoid ending up there until now was a mystery to me. Mom and Dad had been too busy with their work at the hospital until they had died, and Ezra had been too absorbed in his studies.
It was a blessing for my fragile comfort zone that my family had never noticed that their little girl had had to grow up far too quickly. That she had tried her hardest to be their light.
But who had I been trying to fool? Who had I been trying to hide from what I really was? Shadows consumed me, devouring all light and leaving behind a dark void.
Nash was the only one who gave me hope. Something I had thought I had lost completely.
He chuckled, shaking his head, and I had to stifle a smile. Then I felt his other hand on my cheek until both hands gently cupped my face.