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I pulled my hand away from Emely, slid off the table quickly, and put on my blouse before grabbing my coat.

The doctor rose from her chair.

“No problem, get dressed and go to the reception desk. There you will also be given some information flyers about midwives and a new appointment for your check-up and...”

Before she could finish her sentence, I stormed out of the room.

everything i wanted

Billie Eilish

“Hey, what's going on?”

Emely appeared next to me as I hurried across the parking lot.

Somehow, I had managed to put on my coat.

I got into the car and closed the door. Emely got in on the passenger side.

With my heart pounding, I pulled my legs up onto the seat as far as my baby bump would allow and leaned my back against the door, letting my head sink sideways against the headrest and simply letting the tears come.

I wish you were here, Erik.

I squeezed my eyes shut and looked away, toward the windshield, so Emely wouldn't have to see me so devastated.

We're having twins, Erik.

I felt the ice inside me wanting to burst out, felt it already spreading across the window behind me.

I wanted to leave town, with Erik, with our children.

My own despair threatened to consume me.

“Twins,” I whispered, my voice trembling, barely audible. “And then a girl too.”

I felt hands on my knees and looked up.

“What are you afraid of?”

I stared at Emely, trying to interpret her gaze, but I lacked the strength to do so. Only one word floated in my head: girl.

“They will hurt her... do horrible things to her, just like they did to me,” the words came hoarsely from my throat.

Emely tilted her head slightly. A gesture I never understood when anyone else used it.

“Who did what to you?”

It had been an eternity ago, and yet I could still feel them on my skin. Hands.

I sobbed.

I had drunk Salma. Endless amounts of Salma, and collapsed in Gloria’s office in Moenia.

Hands.

My room...

“Don't move!”