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Thanks a lot, Alarik, but that wouldn't have been necessary.

Instead of taking offense, Nash grinned at me mockingly, because now I was the one who wanted the ground to swallow me up.

“Books.” Nash snorted. “Definitely not my world.”

“And yet they are the gateway to a person’s soul,” Alarik chuckled.

Books were a steadfast refuge I could turn to whenever my chaotic reality threatened to pull the rug out from under me and reveal who I truly was. A mental space where I could reflect on complex fragments of reality without having to suffer through them in all their painful intensity. Even though the boundaries between fiction and reality often blurred, I still had the option to close the book, to stop time.

I was in control. I could choose pain if I needed it. Could make it stop.

Like a moth in a jar, surrounded by candlelight, trying to darken the jar from within because it knew it would never reach the deceptively warm flame.

How much longer do you plan to run from it, Bayla?

The itching in my wrists returned.

Bewildered, I stared at Alarik, my head filled with thoughts I would have liked to bury.

Did his words have to remind me of all the things I had managed to push aside by reading?

I tried not to stare at him and found Tania starring at him instead.

“More like the gateway to wasting time.”

Nash obviously made fun of Alarik, just like he did at university. Only here he seemed less hostile and more laid-back.

And then it just burst out of me. “How is she?”

The three of them looked at me as if they didn't know what I was talking about.

“Mia...”

“She's a wreck,” Nash sighed, sounding genuinely concerned.

Shit. I definitely needed to talk to her.

“Nash,” Tania admonished him, but Nash refused to be silenced.

“Facts. These are facts. She lost both her parents. And her brother has gone into hiding.”

Tania sighed, and I forced myself to watch her.

Nash looked at me. “She rarely leaves her room. Only for dinner, really. But she hardly eats anything.”

I nodded, concerned.

“You're friends with Julian. Maybe you should talk to her,” Nash sighed, and I felt Tania staring at me, but I avoided her gaze until she looked back at Nash. “Not even Emy can get through to her.”

“That Julian...” Tania began, and something in her eyes, in her voice, damn it, something in her whole demeanor told me she had to be his mother. “...seems to have been through a lot.”

Even though I could only stare at her in disbelief, my empathy hit me out of the blue.

She wanted to know how he was doing. But then why hadn't she told him the truth? What were her reasons for leaving him with Graham of all people?

“The boy lost his mother in a car accident almost three years ago. After that, his father moved away from the pack with him to give him some space and time. But a few months turned into years, and Julian hasn't changed since,” Alarik explained, turning the wine glass in front of him with a focused gaze.

So, it really was a car accident...