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The Emerald Oath

Page 60

by E.E. Star

The anger in me sharpens and settles, finding a shape it didn’t have before.

Aileen isn’t the first woman to sit at my mother’s door with nowhere else to go, and she won’t be the last. Not while men can hide behind a wedding vow the way a coward hides behind a shield.

I can’t fathom how a father can send his daughter into a den of wolves. How he can press a kiss to her brow, smooth her hair, tell her to be a good obedient wife, and then turn back into his warm house while she walks toward a man as defenceless as a lamb.

I can’t grasp it. Not without something in me recoiling hard enough to hurt, because what sort of father looks at his child and chooses the appearance of respectability over her safety?

What sort of man can live with that bargain?

I’ve been lucky. Luckier than I deserve, perhaps. I’ve seen what a good man looks like with his wife. Watched my father with my mother, watched my grandfather before him—the quiet devotion, the perseverance, the way their hands found their wives’ backs not to steer them but to support them.

They speak of the women beside them, not as a burden to be managed, but as a partner to be honoured.

I was raised with examples of men who didn’t merely love the women in their lives, but worshipped them in the only way that matters—by never making them smaller to make themselves feel large. Which only makes this uglier, because I know it doesn’t have to be this way.

Somewhere in the wreckage of my thoughts, I imagine a child I don’t yet have. A daughter who exists only as a possibility. The thought of her comes sharp and sudden, and it lodges in me with a force that steals my breath. No man would lay a hand on her and live unpunished; no one would trade her safety for alliances, for coin, for a name on paper.

I wouldn’t raise her to be pleasant and quiet and obedient at the cost of her survival. I’d teach her to speak. I’d teach her to see. I’d teach her to defend herself, and I’d be the sort of father who’d listened the first time she said something was wrong, not the sort who asked her to endure the unjust.

And if she chose love one day, it’d be a love that sheltered her, not a love that caged her.

My anger alone won’t remake what’s rotten. Still, I stand there in the quiet corridor, feeling the weight of what I’ve heard and what can’t be unheard, and I know I won’t come away from this unchanged.

This is the moment I’m witnessing the truth of it—not as a story, not as a rumour, not as something that happens to other women in other houses, but as a threat that has brushed close enough to touch the hem of my own life.

I turn at last and go back to the work my mother set me to, but I carry something new with me now, a vow that sits deeper than anger and far more reliable than grief: if I can’t fix the world, I’ll at least refuse to be part of what breaks it. I’ll choose, every day, what kind of man I am, what kind of husband I mean to be, and what kind of father I’ll grow into.

Should I one day have sons, they’ll look to me to learn what it means to be a man, and take their measure from how I speak, how I stand, how I treat the women beside me.

And if one day a bonnie wee lass looks up at me and trusts me with her whole heart, I’ll be worthy of it.

Ellen

I shouldn’t have said so much.

The thought comes too late, after the words about Aileen have already left me, after the grief and fury of it have cracked something open in my chest. James is still standing before me, his hands careful on me, his face changed by everything I’ve told him. Not with discomfort, or a hollow sort of pity, but with anger.

Real anger.

“A woman deserves to be cherished,” he says, each word measured. “Not handled roughly. Not spoken to wi’ contempt. Not made to fear the person who claims to love her.”

Does he see it in my eyes? Why I keep him at arm’s length?

Why I measure every promise, every look, every step toward a future I’ve been told I should want, graciously. It’s not that I don’t believe in love; it’s that I’ve witnessed how easily it’s twisted into a weapon, made to romanticise control.

I search his face more deeply then, though I mean to keep my face blank, and feel my will bending.

Because he means it. He means every damned word.

Standing here in this house, with him, with the Sinclairs and the other good men under this roof, all of it set before me like something ordinary, I’m reminded all over again how rare it is for a man to say what is right and mean every word.

James steps closer, not enough to crowd me, only enough that I feel the warmth of him.

“A husband should be her refuge,” he says. “He should meet her with gentleness when the world is harsh. He should give her steadiness when she is shaken. He should never, never be the reason she flinches.”

My throat tightens.

There’s no boasting in him. No performance. Only a certainty that makes the ache in me deepen, because I know, with a clarity I can scarcely bear, that he’s not the kind of man I have feared all my life. He would never make a weapon of a woman’s trust.