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There was no mistaking her words. It was clear she just wanted him to go, and perhaps he should heed the warning. She had made her intentions plain when she had left without saying farewell in the first place. He had been a fool for allowing himself to think there was a way to salvage the situation. Looking around, it was clear that she was comfortable there. She carried herself with more grace than she had done in the clan, and she did not seem on the verge of panicking either. It started to occur to him that they might be simply too different. The sensible thing would have been to leave her with the gift he brought and return to his routine, but Evan had not always been a sensible man.

He could not forget the kiss they had shared. If that had never happened then he might have found it easier to tear himself away from her and ride away in a thunderous gallop. But it had happened. They had shared something profound, something that he could not rid from his mind. And the kiss meant something. Kissing her had been unlike kissing any other girl. She set him ablaze, bringing life to every aspect of his body and soul and he wished that he could make her see it.

But he wasn’t willing to leave until he had explained himself. He had been unable to stop thinking about her ever since she had disappeared from his life, and now that he was there he wished that he had come to her far sooner. He wished that he had never allowed this chasm to develop between them. He might never get another chance like this, so he had to leave everything here.

“Amelie, I dinnae just come here because it was my duty, at least, nae my duty tae ye brother. I came here because of my duty tae ye. I hae nae been able tae stop thinking about ye, or the kiss we shared. I wanted tae find ye afterwards. I hae been hoping tae spend more time with ye, but then ye left and I… I dinnae know what tae dae. I wanted tae respect yer wishes, but I hae nae been able tae stop thinking about ye. I know I hae handled this badly, but I cannae let this gae. I needed tae see ye again, I needed tae tell ye how much ye mean tae me. I’m sorry that things happened the way they did, but I’m here now. I’m here and I dinnae want tae be anywhere else. My life hae nae been the same since I met ye. I just want ye tae know how much ye mean tae me.”

The words seemed inadequate compared to what he felt inside. The tumult and the maelstrom overwhelmed his soul, but the only weapons he had at his disposal were words, so he had to hope that they would prove to be enough.

* * *

Amelie’s heart leaped and clenched in equal measure as she listened to his words. Her cheeks flushed when he mentioned the kiss, for she didn’t think such a thing should be spoken about in this chaste place. However, she could hear the pure emotion in his voice and it touched her deeply. The fact that she had made such an impression on him would be something that she always remembered.

It was just a shame that she could not forget why she had left.

And what about the maid?

She showed her pad to Evan. His face fell. “She meant naething tae me, Amelie. Ye hae tae believe me. We just encountered each other one night. We sang and laughed and she thought it meant more than what it did. She was jealous when she saw me strolling with ye, that’s all,” he said, but there was a desperate tone in his voice.

And how many others have there been like her?

Amelie knew it wasn’t just the maid. There had been the cruel girl at the party, as well as all the ones that her imagination had conjured when Bridget had told her about Evan’s past. They stretched out in a long line of shadows, as far as her mind could imagine, like a row of dominos. She was just the last one to fall.

“It dinnae matter, Amelie,” he said, but that wasn’t good enough. Amelie had tried to listen to him, but she needed to guard her heart against falling for him again because she did not want to become a ruined woman like so many of those who had come to the nunnery. She picked up her bottle of plum sauce and turned on her heels, ready to walk away.

Evan strode behind her and grabbed her arm, pulling her back. “Amelie, please, dinnae walk away. I’m trying tae tell ye that ye make me feel something that nae other girl hae made me feel. My past dinnae matter. None of the other girls matter because none of them are ye. Can ye nae see that?”

And am I the only one you have spoken these words to? Have you ever said anything similar to the others? How many have there been?

Her hand moved furiously across the slate. The chalk scraped against the surface. The awkward sound tore the air. Kissing him had been the sweetest thing she had ever experienced, but it was tainted by the knowledge that his lips had plucked kisses from other maidens, and perhaps the same words had been spoken to them.

“I would nae be here if ye were nae different, Amelie. That is all that’s important, please, ye hae tae trust me. I hae been wrestling with myself every day since ye left. I just want tae make things right. I was hoping that we could hae more time tae spend with each other. I wanted tae get tae know ye more. Everyone else pales in comparison tae ye.”

He became more desperate as the words fell from his mouth, but she could not believe him. He must have practiced those words on so many others, because she knew for a fact that she was not better than the other girls. She wasn’t sure what had possessed him to act that way. Perhaps his ego simply did not like that she had walked away from him in the first place. She was ready to do the same thing again, and again he pulled her back. This time she glared at him and pulled out her slate.

I don’t want to see you again, she wrote. Tears began to glisten in her eyes.

“Amelie, please, ye hae tae believe me…”

His words trailed away as she marched out of the chamber, trying not to crumble as she did so. She had picked up the plum sauce before she left and now clutched it tightly to her chest. Tears fell through the cracks of her eyelids. She wished she could have believed his words, but she didn’t understand why he would go to such lengths when she was just a plain girl and he clearly had so many others who wanted his affections. She didn’t know what to think and hated being plunged into disarray again. She rushed away from the chamber as fast as she could and made a quick decision to take up Ro on his offer. She knew exactly where she stood with Ro and there was none of this manic confusion with him. It was better that she leave this all behind and start her life anew. And perhaps in time, she would forget Evan.

* * *

“...I love ye.”

The words faded into silence. She was already gone from the chamber, and Evan was left standing alone, a disconsolate figure. His shoulders were rounded and his head was bowed. His limbs felt heavy. It had all gone wrong. He wasn’t quite sure what he had said, but perhaps he had made too many mistakes to make her believe that he was sincere. He ran his hand around the back of his neck. She couldn’t have been clearer in her desire to not see him again. That made two times now when he had been shunned by her, and there wasn’t going to be a third. He wished that she could have understood that he wouldn’t have gone to such lengths unless he felt so strongly about her, but perhaps he had misinterpreted the way they had felt about each other. He turned to the candles and prayed for salvation.