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It was the strangest, sweetest feeling. Even though Amelie was on the ground she felt as though she was floating in the air. She may as well have been soaring over the mountains and through the valleys, her hands outstretched and fingers brushing the high branches. The clouds would be her companions, the birds dancing with her in the air, and the sweet sun drenching the world with bright light. His lips were gentle and tender. She had always imagined a kiss to be a wickedly fervent, violent thing, but actually, it was anything but. Emotions rushed through her in a state of euphoria and her heart felt as though it was going to beat out of her chest. There was a sharp moan that pierced the air, but it was suffocated by Evan’s mouth. She tensed her hand, and he squeezed back, as though they were mirrors of each other, and if they were mirrors then perhaps in some way she could reflect his strength. Perhaps by sharing this kiss, she could absorb some of the qualities he possessed.

It lasted but a moment, and yet Amelie knew she would not forget it for a lifetime. His nose nestled against hers and then he tilted his head forward so that his forehead pressed against hers. His warm breath drifted against her lips like a summer’s breeze, and the hot taste of him lingered on her lips. Her tongue darted out, wetting her lower lip in an effort to taste him again, to have this new feeling in her mouth. It was akin to eating a delicious meal, and yet there was nothing in her mouth to roll her tongue around or swallow. It was more like a feeling, something ethereal that had passed into her, something like the spirit of the Lord.

Sister Cora had told her that God’s grace was imbued in everything beautiful, and this kiss was most certainly something beautiful. It was her first kiss, and it was as romantic as she had always dreamed it to be, yet it had come so suddenly that it left her feeling nervous and worried. She was a sister of the nunnery after all, was this wrong of her? Should she have waited until she was married to kiss anyone, or at least betrothed? What if people learned of this and started believing that she was getting a reputation?

“I believe I’m almost speechless as well,” Evan said in a low, long breath, punctuating his words with a smirk. His eyes twinkled as she pulled back, her cheeks flushed red and her gaze uneasy. He reached up to stroke her cheek. She flinched this time, worried that she was doing something wrong or making some kind of mistake. The first kiss had been a thing of instinct and she hadn’t had any time to think about it before it was happening, but now the doubts had time to take hold of her mind and they made her afraid of being something more than she already was.

“It’s all fine, Amelie, we are nae daeing anything wrong,” he said gently. This time she did not move when he stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. His touch made her skin sizzle and her stomach twitch. There was some instinct deep inside her that yearned to break free, but she could not allow it to yet. She had to keep the beast caged. “I dinnae think it’s any great secret that I am attracted tae ye. In fact, I find ye most intriguing. Ye are unlike any lass I hae ever known. I just wish ye hae danced with me at the feast, although I am happy that ye decided tae come for a walk with me taeday,” he said, smiling widely.

His words were sweet and kind, and he was perfect and handsome, and the kiss had been thrilling and wondrous, but Amelie feared things that seemed too good to be true. There must have been something amiss about the situation because why else would Evan be there with her when he could have been there with any other woman in the clan? What cruel twist did fate have in store for her now?

And yet Evan was showing no sign of deceit. His smile was earnest, and he remained close to her, filling her vision. He was gentle and did not push her to do anything she did not wish to do. He looked at her adoringly and she could not deny that she felt comfortable with him. The ease he inspired in her was rare, and should she not listen to that instinct?

Her gaze flicked up again to find him studying her. Amelie’s heart unfolded inside and tremulous emotions rippled through her.

“May I kiss ye again?” he asked. His hand was cupping her cheek now. Her breaths were shallow and frantic, her chest heaving. Her mouth was dry and almost everything inside her was telling her that she should pull away and be done with this before she ended up hurt again. However, there was one small whispering voice that told her to seize this moment because it might never come again, that only a child would be afraid of kissing a man like Evan, and she was no child.

She made no motion to dissuade Evan from the course on which he seemed set, and so her lips parted again, welcoming his breath as he kissed her once more. This time his lips were harder, his desire was more prevalent. The kiss was long and deep, and the moans they shared were added to the tapestry of sound in this beautiful area. His hand ran around the back of her head, while hers draped around his neck and she began to feel that she was leaving something behind, as though the shroud of innocence was slipping away. It was like slipping into a warm bath as tingles spread all over her body, making every part of her feel alive. The emotions rushed around inside her and as wonderful as the pleasure was, it was also overwhelming. A thousand sensations barraged her and the more she fell into him the more she felt as though she was plummeting down into unknown depths. Desire and arousal and heat rushed through her, but so did fear. This fear pulsed wildly and stabbed at her mind, and in the end, she was unable to withstand it and had to pull away again.

Her pale cheeks were dusted with crimson heat, and she gasped for breath. Evan looked entirely at ease, wearing a dreamy smile. His hand rested upon her neck for a time before he withdrew it. Her arms fell away from his shoulders and landed firmly in her lap. She clasped them together tightly and wondered if this had been right at all, or if she should never have let it happen. The warmth lingered on her lips, and in many ways, it was as though he was still kissing her. Amelie’s tongue darted out, tasting the scorching heat that simmered around her mouth. Her heart beat frantically, and the feeling was similar to what she had felt when she had imbibed alcohol during the feast. Were Evan’s lips coated in alcohol? No, they were just so sweet that they had this overwhelming, intoxicating effect that sent her reeling.

“I suppose I should apologize. It’s wrong of me tae kiss a nun,” he said, although he spoke in such a way that she wondered if he was actually proud of it. However, to allay his fears and reassure him that he hadn’t committed a sin, she grasped her chalk and wrote quickly.

I have not taken any vows of chastity.

She wanted to write more, to try and explain that God did not want the lives of nuns to be devoid of affection, love, and intimacy, only that it had to be pure and trusting and honorable. Only the most devout nuns took vows of chastity, and while the thought had occurred to Amelie, Sister Cora had always warned her against making such promises when there was so much life yet to live. However, she found that her hands were trembling terribly and her body was still shaking from the impact of his kiss. She could not write anything else.

“Well, that’s good tae know. There’s clearly still a lot that I need tae learn about the nuns. I shall definitely hae tae make a trip tae the nunnery sae ye can teach me a wee bit more about ye all, and perhaps I can teach ye something more tae,” as he said this his hand trailed down her arm and his fingers swirled a circle against the back of her palms. A deep instinct twitched inside Amelie’s heart and she whimpered a little, feeling pathetic for allowing such things to overwhelm her. She couldn’t imagine that other women let themselves act like this. They probably knew some flirtatious remark to say, or they had some lustrous glance prepared that they could flash in his direction. All she had was a feeling of unease, as though she was swimming beyond her depths and struggling to stay afloat. The kiss had been fierce, but she needed some time for her mind to settle. She very much wanted to do it again, but she just needed some time to take stock of things.

They had been out for a while now. The light was beginning to fade, and if they didn’t set off soon they would have to walk back in darkness. Amelie turned her head and looked back towards the castle, allowing her gaze to linger in that direction, as she did not wish to write anything further, lest her trembling hands betray her nervousness.

“Perhaps it is time that we head back,” Evan said quietly, and she was pleased that he understood what she desired without her having to communicate it with words.

* * *

It pained Amelie to be unable to wish Evan goodnight when they reached the castle. He was so kind, handsome, and patient. All she wanted was to give him some indication that she could be like the other girls, but when the moment came her tongue was tied and the words were stuck at the back of her throat, and no amount of willpower could make them appear. In the end, she ran to her room and closed the door behind her. Now that she was alone she allowed herself a moment to enjoy what had happened. Among all the girls in the clan, Evan had chosen to walk with her and spend his precious time with her, and then give her a gift that she would never forget.

She fell onto the bed and closed her eyes, thinking about the kiss again. She luxuriated in it, reminding herself of all the gorgeous feelings that ran up and down her body. Lightning flashed and thunder rolled, and the heat was still there. She ran her fingers across her lips and smiled with glee, barely able to believe that it had happened. Now that she was not in Evan’s vicinity any longer the entire thing seemed like a dream, but it had actually happened and there was no escaping that fact. She had just entered the world of romance, and although she knew that it could be treacherous she started to wonder just where it was going to end. Was it possible that she could have something like other women? Was Fleur perhaps right in saying that she could have a husband? The doubts started to fall away the more she thought about it. Amelie did not usually have this kind of things to buoy her heart, and so her thoughts floated away up with the clouds and the fairies, aching to believe that what she and Evan had shared was special.

Her thoughts were only interrupted by a sharp knock at the door. She pushed herself off the bed and smoothed down her dress. Bridget called out from the other side. Amelie opened the door, welcoming her sister-in-law into the room.

“I was worried because I hae nae seen ye much taeday…” Bridget began, but then saw the glowing look on Amelie’s face. Bridget tilted her head and wore a sly smile. Her eyes twinkled, “...Amelie, there is something different about ye.”

Amelie turned away to hide her face, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Bridget paced around the room.

“I did hear that ye went off with Evan. I dinnae suppose there’s any truth tae that, is there?” she asked, although by the tone of her voice, it seemed clear that she already knew the truth. Amelie dipped her head and looked coy as she glanced back towards Bridget. A wide smile appeared on Bridget’s face and she arched a sharp eyebrow.

“Well, well, well, who would hae thought it? Seems as though this birthday feast was a good idea after all.”

Amelie shrugged and let herself be happy for the moment, glad that she could share this with Bridget. She and Bridget had developed a good friendship after Bridget had spent some time in the nunnery. Of course, that had been overshadowed when Bridget and Pascal had encountered one another, but Amelie still believed they were friends.

“That’s really wonderful, Amelie. I am happy for ye,” Bridget reached out a hand and placed it on Amelie’s shoulder. Then her smile fell. A pained look came into her eyes and she sighed a little. “But there is something I should tell ye. I am nae sure if it’s really my place, but I think ye deserve tae know…Evan is…well…he hae a reputation as being quite popular with the ladies. I know he is the Captain of the Guard, but some habits dinnae die easily with men. I would just be careful when ye get yer hopes up, that’s all.”

All the elation that Amelie had felt came crashing down. Her smile fell, her shoulders became rounded, and the magic of the moment had been entirely done away with.

Bridget squeezed Amelie’s shoulder tightly as she noticed Amelie’s reaction. “Oh, I dinnae mean tae make ye feel sad. I’m just trying tae give ye a full picture. I know ye hae nae dealt with boys before. Ye are more sensitive than most women, and I would nae want ye tae end up hurt, that’s all. Evan is a good man, I just think that ye need tae keep yer guard up, that’s all.”

Amelie let out a deep breath as she sank onto the bed, leaning forward. Perhaps it had been too risky to dare to dream. She leaned forward, putting her chin in her hand. Bridget ran her hand over her back.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Amelie. Perhaps I should nae hae said anything.”

Amelie pulled out her slate and held the chalk in her fingers. She had spoken to Bridget before, but her heightened emotions made it difficult for the words to escape. These feelings were so rapid and chaotic that it was hard to get them to settle. Sometimes she found it easier to communicate her thoughts through writing rather than speaking.

Do you think I can be loved? Amelie wrote, gazing at Bridget with wide, open eyes.

Bridget smiled and replied without hesitation. “Of course I dae, Amelie. Ye are such a sweet lass and I know there are many men who could make ye happy. But I also know that ye dinnae deserve just any man. Ye deserve a special man, and all I’m trying tae say is that ye should nae let yerself believe Evan is that man just because he is the first man ye hae felt these kinds of things for. This is all new tae ye and it’s gaeing tae be overwhelming. Just be patient and make sure that ye are really sure about someone before ye let yerself fall for them. Ye hae been through sae much pain already in life, ye dinnae need anymore,” Bridget said.

She stayed in Amelie’s room for a little while longer, speaking about the feast and other general matters, although Amelie couldn’t stop thinking about anything other than what Bridget had said about Evan. After Bridget left, Amelie crawled into bed and pulled the blanket around her tightly. She hated to believe that her instincts were wrong. She felt safe with Evan, and when he kissed her, well, the entire world had shifted! She couldn’t imagine that he could kiss another woman like that, or that he could look into anyone else’s eyes with such devotion and adoration.

But perhaps she was wrong. After all, Bridget and Fleur were both more experienced than her in these matters. It may have been naive of Amelie to enjoy these feelings, but if they weren’t there to be enjoyed then what was the point of them? Just like Fleur, Bridget was trying to protect her. That’s all anyone ever wanted to do, keep her safe and wrapped up, everyone except Evan, that is. He just wanted to kiss her. She felt a twisting sensation as she relived the kiss again, but it was shadowed by Bridget’s warnings now. Perhaps it was easier for her to simply return to the nunnery and forget about these heady ideas of romance. People clearly didn’t think she was hardy enough to withstand the rigors of love, although Amelie wasn’t sure how she was ever supposed to learn if she was never given the chance. Life was so confusing, and she was almost certain that if what Bridget said about Evan was true, Fleur would never have chosen him as a husband for Amelie. No doubt she would want to make the choice herself, deciding that she knew what was best for Amelie.

But then, that was the way things had always been, so why would they change now?