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“If we hae, then it was a war we could nae win. And ye are only fond of that life because ye are one of the lucky ones that made it through. People died who would nae hae died if we haed been in a place like this a long time ago. Dinnae repeat the errors of my pride, Drew. I led ye on a hard quest. I drove ye forward when I should hae saw wisdom a long time ago and turned back. It’s better tae be humble and alive than proud and dead.”

“Ye are being tae hard on yerself. I know ye blame yerself, but none of us would be here if it wasn’t for ye. Ye gave us hope when we haed none. The world haed turned its back on each of us, and ye gave us a place where we could belong. Ye built a clan of misfits and outcasts, and there should never be any shame in that. If people knew all that we hae survived in the wild, why, we would be the subjects of the stories that people tell their children.”

“Aye, the stories that feed their nightmares,” Niall said, cocking an eyebrow.

Drew laughed and did not dispute the notion. “Anyway, ye must be adjusting tae this place far more easily than the rest of us. Ye are home, in the place of yer birth, where ye already know every stone of this castle. People know yer name and are more ready tae trust ye, while ye also hae a wife waiting for ye,” Drew said, his tone slightly mocking.

Niall sighed. “Aye, a wife who would gladly see me with a dagger in my back, I think,” he said, and cast a wary gaze toward Drew. “There is no affection for her, nor would I expect there tae be. I killed her husband, took away her future. There is no hope of her ever being anything but cordial for me.”

“Why can ye just nae send her away?”

“Because of tradition.”

“Oh, tradition be damned,” Drew said, spitting onto the floor. “When hae ye ever cared about tradition? If it meant that much tae ye, then ye never wouldnae hae left in the first place!”

Niall tilted his head from side to side, as there was wisdom in the words Drew spoke.

“Aye, but in this instance, it is all tied taegether. I am claiming a right tae this clan because of tradition, because of the laws that state my blood belongs here, and as I slew my brother, I take all he haed. If I send her away, if I refuse her, then I am refusing everything. I cannae be laird here without being her husband, and if I cannae be laird, then the rest of our clan doesnae hae a place of refuge.”

Drew shook his head and stroked his chin. “I cannae understand why men always place sae many rules upon themselves. I suppose this is why I never fit in before. It just never made sense tae me.”

“Well, it will hae tae begin making sense if we are tae make a future here for ourselves,” Niall said as he clapped a hand on Drew’s shoulder, “because I want ye by my side for a long time.”

“Ye hae me until I die,” Drew said, and this brought Niall some comfort at least.

* * *

Hours had passed since Niall’s duel in the sparring ring. He had bathed after this. It was strange to get used to bathing in a tub rather than having to cope with the cold water of whichever river, stream, or lake was nearby. There was always food on hand as well. Even the merest twinge of hunger could be sated as soon as possible. He wondered if he would ever forget about the gnawing agony of hunger that had plagued him so often. A part of him didn’t want to. There were so many things he didn’t want to forget.

He was sitting in his study as he closed his eyes, and images came to his mind that he couldn’t stop, images of the past, of horrors that had filled his night with terror, of people who had died in his arms, of shame at knowing that people were suffering because of him.

And now he was here, in this castle, in safety. If only he hadn’t been as proud or as stubborn, he might have returned here years ago. How many people had died because he had refused to see sense? Because he had been so bullheaded as to think that he could have tamed the wild and made sure that his clan survived where others had fallen? But there was a reason why people gathered in towns and villages and castles, why they settled in one place, in fallow fields and lush forests rather than jagged mountains and valleys that were so dark only weeds and brittle branches dared to grow.

And perhaps she wouldn’t have had to die.

He bowed his head and clenched his fists. Death weighed heavily upon him. First, it had been his mother, then her, and then Fraser. There was so much death in his life, he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to cope with it all or how he had managed to survive. If anyone should have died, then it should have been him. It was only stubbornness that drove him on now. There was no joy in his heart. He had managed to bring his clan to safety, and now he could rest.

Except it was not his time to rest. Somehow he had to find meaning in it all again, and perhaps in another life, he could have found that meaning with Tovie. Despite her hatred for him, she seemed like a good woman. She clearly cared about the clan, and the people cared about her too. She would have made a good laird if he had not returned, and clearly, Fraser had not been entirely devoid of wisdom since he had chosen her as his wife.

* * *

Niall was tired of spending too much time alone in his study as it left him isolated, and he was thinking of things he would rather not think about. There was still more to do to ensure that the two clans merged without difficulty, and as the laird, it was his responsibility to see that they did that. As he walked through the castle, he saw Tovie at the other end of a hallway. Their eyes met, and she froze. She moved to turn back, but he called out to her and approached her. Even in this dim light, her beauty was apparent. Behind the anger and the fury that raged within her eyes, she was a glorious creature, and if he had been a younger man, one who had not suffered the hardships of the wild, he might have been taken with her. It seemed futile, though, because he knew she would never forgive him for taking the life of her husband, and his soul was wretched anyway. It wasn’t as though he was the kind of man anyone could love.

However, as much as he tried to tell himself this, he swore he could see a flare of something in her eyes, and he could feel a similar stirring within his body. He swallowed a lump in his throat, though, and attempted to push away these feelings.

“Tovie, I wanted tae talk tae ye about something,” he began.

She crossed her arms and looked at him with a sharp gaze. Nothing was ever going to be easy with her.

“I was hoping that we could hae a celebration tae help the two clans come taegether. It is often easier tae get tae know people when there’s dancing and ale and good food. Since ye are on such good terms with the people of the clan, I wondered if ye could help arrange it?”

“Of course, my laird,” Tovie said with an exaggerated bow, lowering herself to such an extent that she almost touched the floor. “I shall carry out yer wishes without delay,” she added, and then swept past him in a rush of movement that left him twisting his head to follow her path, watching her hips sway before she descended a flight of stairs and disappeared from his view. He sighed, thinking that it was going to be a long life if she never took a liking to him, but perhaps that was the punishment he deserved for killing his own brother.