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Erik moved away to bark orders at the warriors and ensured that everyone was primed for battle, leaving Brenda and Douglas to spend some time alone together. She assumed that it was a tactical retreat by her father, as the conversation seemed to be taking an intimate course.

“Douglas, you can still be yourself. You can still have a life,” she said, but Douglas cut off her hopeful tone with a sharp shake of the head.

“I’ve been through tae much. I’ve done tae many things. Because of me, the Vikings are coming. I hae been angry at Erik for betraying me, but how many people hae I betrayed?”

“I could say the same thing. I was the one who rescued you, who believed in you. I was the one who went away and allowed you to speak to Erik. I could have been more careful, but I wanted to make an impact. I wanted people to respect me. Maybe I’m the one at fault for trusting you,” she said.

Douglas frowned and shook his head. “Ye are nae at fault. All of this is tae dae with me. Ye almost died because of me. If Colby had slit yer throat…”

“But he didn’t. That’s the important thing to remember, Douglas. No matter what has happened, we’re still here, and as long as we’re here, we can make a difference. We can make better choices. You don’t have to be a prisoner all your life. You’re free.”

“If I dinnae gae back then they’re gaeing tae attack this place. I hae tae give myself up, tae pay penance for all I’ve done. I’m gaeing tae surrender myself, Brenda. It’s the only way I can make up for this.”

“But you don’t have to, Douglas. You’ve suffered so much. I know you might think that your whole life has to be suffering, but that doesn’t have to be the case. You’re here now. You’re home. You have people who care about you, who love you. You have a place here. This is where you belong.”

“If I truly dae belong here, then I would have been rescued. Erik would hae come for me. Someone would hae come for me,” he said, his face a picture of pain.

“Then when you get captured this time, I’m going to come for you. I’ll make you a promise. I can’t speak for my cousin. I know he had his reasons. Maybe he should have tried harder. Maybe he should have risked a war to come and save you. I don’t know if you and he are ever going to be able to be friends again, but I’m going to make a vow to you right now that I’m not going to forget you. I can’t, Douglas, not after what we’ve shared. You might be scared by it, you might think you’re not deserving of it, but the fact that you feel it is enough. You are a good man, and you’ve suffered so much. It’s time for your suffering to be over. It’s time for you to enjoy life again. Please, just do this for me,” she said, reaching up to place a hand on his cheek. She was afraid that he would recoil, but he stayed there and closed his eyes.

“Ye are a sweet lass, far sweeter than I deserve. I will cherish the memories we made taegether, and perhaps in another life, things would be different. But dinnae waste yer heart on me. I’m nae worth saving,” he said, kissing her palm before turning away from her.

She called out to him, but he was already gone. She thought about running after him and pulling him back, but there was only so much she could do to convince him of what she knew was true. Even though he had been freed from the Bjork clan, his mind was still a prisoner, and until he released his mind, he would never be truly free. Even so, she vowed to herself that she was going to chase after him and rescue him if the Vikings took him back. She had never let anyone tell her what to do before, and she wasn’t about to let him be the first. He might not think he was deserving of love, but that didn’t mean it was true.

Douglas walked away from Brenda with a heavy heart. In the back of his mind, there was a dream where he and Brenda would live together in peace, without any threat of danger or violence. It was difficult for him to imagine a day without pain when it had been such a constant companion to him, and going back to what he had known for the past two years was only natural. The dream was cloying and alluring, but he knew it was too good to be true. There was no way he could ever wake up every day to her smiling face—or enjoy her company in every way that mattered—because he didn’t deserve it. Either he wasn’t worthy of being saved by Erik, or he had betrayed his clan. In both instances, his soul was tainted. Part of him wished that he had welcomed death earlier than this and put himself out of his misery, but the lure of freedom had been too strong to resist. Now he wondered if he had made the right decision.

Once upon a time, he had dreamed of raising children and teaching them all about the world, of leaving a legacy behind. Now the only thing he dreamed of was a release from his anguish.

Still, it felt good to have a sword in his hand again without his ankles being shackled. He moved around the village to inspect the other men and was impressed by their fortitude and preparation. There was no doubt that Erik’s presence on this island had increased their martial prowess, although he wasn’t convinced that they could withstand an assault from the Vikings. He had seen firsthand how savage Gorm could be, and no doubt he would have whipped his warriors into a frenzy. They would lust for blood. The only way to protect them was for Douglas to grovel and hope that they took his servitude as payment for the safety of their village. If his surrender weren’t enough, then perhaps his life would be.

It might even go some way to balancing out his sins.