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Douglas walked up to them, filled with meat and wine and good cheer.

“Thank ye for keeping Brenda occupied, Seamus, but now I think it’s time tae show her just how the Bannerman clan dae things,” he exclaimed. He grabbed Brenda’s hand and yanked her to her feet before pulling her up. Then he clapped his hands and ordered the minstrels to strike up a fast-paced tune. He took Brenda’s hands and led her in a dance. She giggled as she mirrored his movements and tried to keep up with him, while other people flooded around them and created a whole crowd who were dancing. Brenda was spun around until the world was a dizzying mix of flames and faces and was just a blur, but at the center of it all was him, and it made her feel grounded. She wondered if she could help find the man who had been buried deep inside him.

Douglas laughed when the dance ended and clapped his hands. His eyes were filled with delight when he looked upon Brenda. She was a glorious woman, and the more time he spent with her, the more his heart burned with passion. He knew it was a mistake. He knew it was only going to end in sorrow. But he had been deprived of so many things in his captivity that he could not deny his body this, especially when it was clear that she was so drawn to him. In the clearing, he had tried to resist, tried to tell her that they should wait before they progress further, but in the end, it had been impossible to tear himself away from her warm lips and her comforting embrace.

Now, as they walked away from the crowd in the darkness of night as the hour drew late, there were so many things he wanted to tell her, so many things he wanted to do. He whirled her in his arms and kissed her, wishing for one moment that his life could be simple. Their lips crashed together in a satisfying blaze, and they were left smiling and giggling, as carefree as children.

But there was a shadow lurking in the back of his mind. He walked her back to her chamber, and she pulled him toward her. He pinned her against the wall; their tongues danced, and their minds were awhirl with delight.

In that moment, he and she were the same. He drowned in her essence, as though he were diving into a deep loch. The sensations were the same—the feeling that the rest of the world was falling away, the loss of senses as he plunged down into these new depths. Everything became more vibrant and vivid. He was acutely aware of every soft breath, every tremor. He could feel the way her body responded to his, and he loved every moment of it. In a way, it was as though he was home, without ever realizing that this was a home he craved.

He brushed soft curls of hair away from her face as he drew back, his chest heaving as though he had just gone into battle. He had been a prisoner for so long he couldn’t remember the last time he had even thought of a woman in this way. There were so many parts of him that had been captive, he had become less of himself, but with Brenda’s help, he was discovering so much that he thought had been excised from his soul. He had been less than a man, but she had awakened desire within him, and he wanted her. His fingers trembled against her waist; his eyes were drawn to the pale skin that was hidden under her clothes. His mind was intoxicated with every breath he took, inhaling her sweet scent as though she was a rare flower.

He was so overwhelmed that he almost yielded to his instincts and took her into the darkness, where he would make up for all the time he had lost, where the bed would creak, and the moon would weep, and the world would shudder.

But when he looked into her eyes—those beautiful, innocent eyes—he was filled with guilt.

She needed a man. That’s what she thought he was, but she was wrong. He had lost some valuable part of himself during his captivity. He had been twisted and corrupted, and bits of him had been chipped away. The Vikings had sculpted him into their agent, using his hate to turn him into this man who only knew revenge. He hadn’t been freed to fall in love. He hadn’t been released to return to his life. He had a mission, he had a destiny, and Brenda simply didn’t fit into it even though there was nothing on his mind but her; even though every fiber of his being yearned to strip away their clothes and howl like wolves together, he knew that it couldn’t be.

He simply didn’t deserve it.

Douglas stepped back, breaking the spell. His tongue flicked across his lips, tasting the sensation she left. Her lips were parted, and her chest heaved. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were filled with rampant desire. Yes, she would make a man happy indeed. She was passionate and strong, and he had no doubt that in the bedroom, she would be a wild one, but it would have to be another man who reaped the rewards of her love. For a moment, he was almost tempted to tell her the truth, but he feared the retribution of the Bjork clan. Douglas wasn’t a romantic soul. Whatever trace of hope had existed in his heart had been extinguished a long time ago. The only constants in this world were suffering, misery, pain, and he had to protect his clan from this. If he deviated from the clan, then Colby would know, and the Bannerman clan would be destroyed.

There were so many things he could have said to her in that moment. He could have told her that she was beautiful. He could have professed his desire to her. He could have made a promise to wed her. Instead, he broke the tension that erupted between them and spoke in a low, hoarse whisper.

“There’s something I’ve been wondering, lass. What was Erik like after he returned from Norway?”

Brenda’s eyes flickered, and her head tilted to the side. No doubt she was wondering why he was asking about her cousin when they had just shared a passionate kiss. He wouldn’t have blamed her had she slapped him and marched away, but it was a testament to her character that she stayed and indulged him.

“He wasn’t like I had known before. He was sad, which was to be expected since Ragnar died. I’m not sure he would have been the same without Sigrid. She was there to help him recover, but there were moments when he used to stand at the shore and gaze out in the direction of Norway. I don’t know if he was ever afraid of going back there, or if he ever regretted going there in the first place, but in time, he managed to recover. He had no choice, really, because he had to lead the clan.”

Douglas nodded with understanding. “And what is he like as a laird?”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Well, for example, how does he treat traitors?”

“Traitors? He cannot stand them,” Brenda said.

Douglas clenched his jaw. In that moment, he knew for certain that he had no choice. He nodded and then bid Brenda farewell for the night. He ignored the burning desire in his heart and the uncomfortable heat that prickled all over his body. When he returned to his chamber, he slammed his fist into his pillow and then collapsed onto the bed, groaning in anguish at the twisting path of his life. If things had been different, then he would have returned with Erik two years ago. If he had listened to his father, then he would never have left with Erik in the first place. But there was no going back to change things now.

All he wanted was for it to be over.