Page 33

18

Sigrid and Erik stood on one side of the table while Ragnar sat on the other. He clasped his hands together and leaned forward, sighing heavily. His voice was deep, and his words were solemn.

“You must understand that I was a different man sixteen years ago. I was still in my prime, I was still arrogant sometimes. I used to pride myself on raids. There were so many battles that blur into each other… I did not realize the significance of this one. Ivar and I had been raiding. I sailed all the way from Scotland to help him. There was a vicious battle at sea, and we barely escaped with our lives. We were tired, weary, and our supplies were low. We saw a village and hoped that we could receive some hospitality, but as soon as we arrived, we were attacked. They must have thought we were coming to raid them. There was no time to speak, and at the time, if anyone attacked me, then I was ready to strike back immediately. I regret that now. If I had taken more time to explain why we were there, perhaps…” His words faded into silence before he shook himself and continued speaking. “Your father was a brave man to attack me, and I’m sorry that I killed him. I’m sorry for the pain I caused you.”

Sigrid stood there, feeling as though she had been punched in the gut. Her head spun in a dizzying way, and she thought she was beginning to lose her balance. Nausea pooled in the pit of her stomach; she panted, trying to find some sense of stability in the world.

“And what…what of my mother?” she asked.

Ragnar looked away. “I do not know. For all I know, she might still be alive. I certainly never killed her.”

Alive? Her mother? Was it possible that she might actually have some family elsewhere? But all this time, she had accused Ivar of killing her father. All this time she had blamed him, vowed revenge on him, wanted to kill him because of it. He was guilty of many crimes, but of this one, he was innocent.

She walked slowly, unsure of what to say or do. All she knew was that she didn’t want to be around anyone. She walked out of the house to find Ivar’s men standing guard, forming a wall. Erik chased after her and stood in the doorway.

“Sigrid, wait, please,” he said, an imploring tone in his voice.

“I don’t have anything to say to you, Erik.”

“Please don’t go. Let us talk about this. I know that it’s a lot to take in, but please—”

Sigrid turned and yelled at him. Her eyes glistened with tears, and her throat was raw. “I don’t want to talk to you. Leave me alone!”

She marched away, Ivar’s men parting for her. Her hands were clenched into fists by her sides, and her footsteps shook the ground. Erik went to rush after her, but the guards formed the wall again and would not allow him to pass. Sigrid walked away, and tears began to stream down her cheeks. They were warm and salty, and everything else was numb.

19

Sigrid walked, and kept walking, toward the shore. Her mind was a whirl, and her heart beat frantically. She hated Ragnar for killing her father. She hated Ivar for hiding the truth from her and letting her believe that her mother had likely died somewhere. She hated Erik as well because he was one of them, and if he hadn’t hurt her already, then he likely would have at some point in the future. Also, she hated herself, for if she had just believed that her mother was alive, perhaps she could have found her. But she had been so willing to assume that her mother had been killed in the slaughter of the village that she hadn’t even tried to look. Was all this misery her fault? And what was she supposed to do now? It wasn’t as though she could declare war on Ragnar or on all Vikings. It seemed that all men wanted to do was to control her. They had even brought Astrid here to try and influence her, and she was tired of it. She wanted to leave it all behind. It would be far better off if she could be alone.

She veered away into the forest, feeling as though it would be the easiest way to flee if anyone should try and follow her. She wanted to go anywhere she would not be found and didn’t care that she was in a strange land. There were noises around her, but she ignored them all because they only served to distract her from her purpose. The time had come for her to leave the world she knew. If she walked far enough, then eventually, she could escape her problems. Perhaps she could live as a hermit and nourish herself on the blessings of the forest. Perhaps she could find another village and seek travel back to Norway and begin a new life for herself, one where she could leave everything behind. All she wanted was to end this sorrow and the pain that came from being around other people.

Tears choked out of her, and she grunted in anger. She kicked out at plants and slammed her fists into trees. She hated all of them, and despite herself, she even hated her father. What had he been thinking attacking a man like Ragnar? Why had he not just let them come into the village? But then she felt guilty about thinking like that of him. The emotion overwhelmed her, and she sank to her knees. The ground was soft. Her shoulders shuddered as she sobbed, and her wet tears fell onto the ground like morning dew.

Her life would have been so different if Ivar and Ragnar hadn’t gone to her village that morning. She would have had a mother if Ivar hadn’t misled her all these years. And Erik…oh, Erik. For a brief moment, she had actually believed that she could be in love and have a man love her. When he proposed marriage to Ivar, her heart had leaped, and she wanted more than anything for Ivar to accept. Erik was so handsome and kind, and it was unfair of her to be angry at him when he had nothing to do with this. He was the one person in all the world who had been honest with her, but she could never be with him after this.

A twig snapped. Fronds and branches were pushed away. Sigrid heard movement behind her, and a smile flickered on her face, for she believed that it was Erik who came to see her again. There was a heart-wrenching groan, for she knew she had to tell him that she could not be with him or be a part of his life. But at least she could have one last kiss. Yes, that would be enough to last her an entire life.

She turned around and pushed herself to her feet, ready to break her heart again, but her face fell in fear. It wasn’t Erik standing there at all, but Haldor Knutsen and twenty of his men. He smiled his toothless smile and rubbed his hands together.

“You didn’t think Ivar was going to let you go that easily, did you?” he said. Sigrid’s eyes went wide with fear, and she pushed herself away, trying to flee, but before she could take a step, a strong arm yanked her back so hard, her arm was almost pulled from her socket, and a hand was over her mouth, muffling her cries for help.

Damn Ivar! Damn them all!

This was not how Sigrid the Golden’s story was supposed to end.