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It had been a few days since the battle, and the tension had not left Ainsly’s body for one moment. She cringed when she heard the enemy walking through the keep as if it was their own. She looked with pity at those who lived in fear, worried that they would be turned out. The wounded men of her army had been resting and licking their wounds, while the dead had been gathered up and burned far down the field, away from the keep. It was an unceremonious end for many she had called friend and brother, and she had wept a thousand tears for them all.

Her appetite was such that she did not wish to eat, and the thought of marrying Ian made her stomach churn. The promise had been necessary, but now her mind turned with thoughts of how she could free herself from the vow, although she feared that she would never be able to. The safety of her people was tied to the purity of her promise, and she could not forsake them for such selfish reasons.

On the first night, she was unable to sleep. The sounds of the feast thundered through the keep, a cacophony that was as loud as any storm she had ever heard. She lay in bed, her fists clenching so tightly that her nails dug into her palms and sweet pain bloomed out. Hot tears stung her eyes, and impotent rage bristled within her. The last time she felt this way had been when her father had fallen ill. She railed against the world and the gods, feeling utterly helpless and hopeless because there was nothing she could do. All her life she had tried to be the perfect daughter, and in some ways the perfect son as well, but there was no way she could fight the disease that had claimed his life, just as there was no way she could fight back the brute that had taken her keep. She entertained herself by thinking about slitting his throat while he slept. That would certainly be a wedding night she would always remember, but it was a forlorn thought because she knew it would only lead to greater sorrow. Even if she killed Ian, there would just be another to take his place, and it would not be only she who was punished, but her entire clan as well.

As much as she wanted to, she just couldn’t do that to them. So she lay in bed and listened to the sounds of the feast trembling through the keep. She imagined them all, laughing and singing heartily when there had been so much death and sorrow. Where was the chance to mourn? She knew so little about them as well. They had struck from nowhere, without warning. Was there anything she could have done differently? Was there any way she could have foreseen this coming? Perhaps she had been too complacent over the years. Either way, it did not matter now. The keep had been taken, the clan had been wrested from her, and she was promised to another man.

She sighed as she dragged herself to the window and gazed out to the moon. It was in the shape of a crescent and glowed brightly with the stars around it. It had been four years since her father had died, although it seemed like an eternity. Back then, she had few things to worry about. The biggest had been what was going to happen to her in the future. She had often thought about the man she was going to marry, wondering what kind of match her father would make for her. Those prospects had all dwindled upon his death. Few men wanted to be the husband of a lady laird, and she had had far too many other things waiting to occupy her time. Running a clan left little time to find a husband.

But she had never been the kind of woman that other men liked to marry anyway. She had been far too much of a tomboy, preferring feats of strength and running about in the wild rather than the demure things that women often liked. Now she was going to marry a man who had taken everything from her. It was hardly the end she had foreseen for herself, and she wondered what she had ever done to anger the gods. Was this the price she paid for cursing them when her father had fallen ill? If so, it only proved how cruel and vengeful they were.

The day after, she moved carefully through the keep to avoid running into Ian. His men were sluggish, and their eyes were bloodshot after a night of feasting, but they were alert enough to withstand a counterattack. Rebellion was not on the agenda, unfortunately. She visited the kitchens and other areas to reassure people that they would be kept safe, and she would protect them. She hated to see the fear and unease within their eyes. It was almost more than she could bear, but she held back her tears because she had to display strength for their sake.

She went into the rooms where the wounded soldiers were recovering. Most of them cursed themselves and looked brooding. Her conversations with them were brief, but then Calum came up to her.

“What ye did yesterday, Ainsly, I’m sorry that it haes come tae this,” he said. “All those years ago, I promised yer da that I would take care of ye. I hae failed.” He hung his head and groaned. “I should hae been able tae fight them off.”

Ainsly smiled at Calum. He had cleaned the blood from his face, but a solemn expression made him seem weary and older than he was. He had been a staunch presence by her side, and she was grateful that he had survived the battle.

“There was much that we should hae been able tae dae,” Ainsly said. “It haes been a sad day for us all.”

“Aye, truer words hae never been spoken. Ye did yer da proud, though. The way ye charged at that brute…I thought for a moment ye were a demon.”

Ainsly smiled. “I’m only sorry that I didnae wound him fatally.”

“Aye, well, it’s good for the clan that ye did. Everyone here knows what ye hae sacrificed, and we are all thankful. I hope ye know that whatever ye plan for the future, we will be right behind ye.”

“I appreciate that, Calum, although I dinnae think there’s much tae plan. This is our lives now,” she said ruefully. “How are the men?”

Calum shrugged and exhaled deeply. “As well as they can be. They’re disappointed that they lost. They all feel that they let ye down.”

“I hope they know that’s nae true,” Ainsly replied. She choked on her words. “Haes there been any sign of Seamus?”

A grave look came upon Calum’s face. “I’m sorry, lass, but nae. There are a lot of men missing, and we never got tae say goodbye tae them.”

Ainsly pursed her lips and nodded solemnly, swallowing a lump in her throat. The day had taken a heavy toll. It had been a blaze that consumed everything, an inferno that ripped away her innocence and everything good in the world. The memories of her and Seamus running through the woods as children would long linger in her mind, but like so many other things, he would only exist in her memories now, and that was the hardest thing of all because memories didn’t last forever. In the four years since her father had died, there had been certain things that disappeared, like the feeling of his hand upon hers, or the sound of his voice. It would be like that for Seamus as well now, and for all the others who had died in the onslaught. She squeezed Calum’s hand and smiled at him. In that smile was a whole flurry of emotion and the promise that they would continue to be there for each other. At least in all this mess, she didn’t have to face it alone. At least her clan was still intact.

Her mood had not brightened during the few days since Ian had wrested control of the clan from her. Thankfully, he hadn’t sought her out to discuss anything, and she had a faint hope that he might somehow just forget about the wedding, although it was just about the faintest hope there was.

Because she had promised herself to him, she was tied to the keep, so even though she had freedom of movement, she still felt like a prisoner in her own home. If she made one wrong move, then she would be punished and the clan alongside her. Whenever she dared leave the keep, there was always a guard on hand to remind her of the deal she had made and that if she didn’t return, others would pay for her mistake. Ainsly’s heart sank every time, and she longed for the day when she would be able to move about freely without feeling shackled to this place. However, she was afraid that she would never be able to feel that again.

The fields were already being worked, despite the blood still staining the ground. Nothing could remain quiet for too long when there were crops to be gathered and seeds to be planted. It was saddening to see life carry on as normal. It was as though nothing had changed when actually a great deal had changed. It was as though they couldn’t grieve properly, and she felt on edge all the time. The air was rife with tension, and there was a feeling that anything might happen.

To try and ensure that she avoided Ian, and to allow herself some time alone, Ainsly walked out towards the woods. The stillness of the forest was comforting, and being away from the keep, even for just a short time, did wonders for her mood. She walked through the bracken and pushed aside long branches before she came to a clearing. She had run and played in these woods for many years, and they were the home of so many happy memories. Her youth seemed like another lifetime. In her mind’s eye, she could see herself as a child, running along with Seamus, screaming with delight as they sprinted around trees and tried to hide from each other.

She pressed her hands to rough bark and breathed deeply. In that moment, she felt connected with her youth, but when she opened her eyes, it all slipped away, and she was left in despair. She sank down onto an overturned log and held her head in her hands. Her coppery hair was not in a ponytail today, so it flowed across her hands and covered her face like a veil. Her shoulders trembled as warm tears flowed out of her, wondering how her life had ever taken a turn like this. What she needed now more than anything was hope, but what hope was there in a life such as this?

A flicker of movement was perceptible around her, and she jerked her head up. The tears stopped instantly as her hackles rose, and a sharp fear ran down her spine. Her gaze darted around the forest as she tried to pinpoint the source of the movement, worried that it might be a wolf. Even so, being mauled to death by some kind of wild animal didn’t seem the worst fate at the moment.

Then she heard a whisper, and a shadow jumped down from the branch of a tree, landing with a thud in front of her. She was shocked at first, but then her eyes turned wide.

“Seamus!” she cried out, and then instantly clamped her hand around her mouth for fear that someone might hear. Her childhood friend smiled although he looked in pain. His clothes were tattered, and sweat had plastered his hair to his head. Dried blood was caked on the side of his face; he evidently hadn’t managed to find a chance to wash it all off. Ainsly twisted her neck for fear that one of Ian’s men was lurking nearby, but when she realized she was alone, she allowed herself to smile.

“It’s sae good tae see ye,” Seamus said, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace.

“What are ye daeing? I thought ye were dead!” Ainsly said in astonishment.