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Unbidden, a memory hit me.

Matthew, lying on the bed, his arms bent, his hands clasped under his head as he watched me get ready.

“Come back to bed, Maddy,” he invited. “Just for a few moments.”

I had laughed. “It’s never a few moments with you, Dr. VanRyan.”

“Oh, I’ll be quick. I want to send you off to work with a smile.”

“You already did that.”

“My cock did. My fingers and mouth want in on the action.”

“Stop it,” I hissed, feeling the warmth pool in my stomach at his words.

“Five minutes, baby. That’s all I’m asking for. Five minutes of your time.”

“Matthew,” I admonished.

“You look a little flushed. I just want to check your temperature.”

I was ten minutes late to the bakery that morning, but he was right.

I was smiling.

I shook my head at the memories. They had been happening a lot lately. If I was honest with myself, they had never really stopped, but since getting his flowers, they had been constant. I thought of his smile. His laughter. The way he always looked at me. The passion we had shared.

How much I still missed him.

If I were smart, I would probably have stayed in Toronto. Given myself another year of total separation. Even though it appeared Matthew was no longer here, the city would be filled with memories of him. Of us.

I looked around. Especially this intimate space. He had filled it so full of himself, his memory was extra clear here.

I tossed my suitcase on the bed, determined to stop thinking. Except when I opened the case, lying on top were his flowers. I had taken the bouquet apart and pressed them before they could die. I didn’t want to leave them behind. I told myself they would make a lovely dried picture I could hang for the beauty they represented. Nothing else.

I lifted the cardboard, making sure they weren’t damaged, and carried them to the living room, sliding the protected memento on top of the empty bookcase. They needed a little more time.

And apparently, so did I.

CHAPTER 20

MATTHEW

Dr. Warwick shook my hand. “Welcome back, Dr. VanRyan. You’ve been missed.”

“Thanks.”

“Sticking around this time, right?”

I chuckled and nodded in agreement. After my first stint with Caring Hands, I’d returned to the hospital, still feeling unsettled. I dove back into the ER, but I wasn’t happy. Life had moved on, but I hadn’t. Everywhere I went, Maddy was there. Peeking around the corner. Filling my head with memories of us. Ones that I should have let go.

A new nurse in the ER shocked me and asked me out on a date. I had never been asked before—I always did the asking. I liked her sass, so I agreed and we went out to dinner. By dessert, I realized I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready. After meeting my eyes, Daisy smiled at me and lifted her shoulders.

“I feel as if I’m competing with a ghost.”

“I’m sorry. I should have said something earlier.”

“Someone recent,” she guessed.