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“I can imagine, but I don’t want to. It’s more than just sex, though, right?” Lily was looking at him with some worry. “You weren’t satisfied when that’s all you had with your creepy old coach. I know you weren’t.”

“It is. Yeah. For me, and I think for him, too. At least, that’s what he says.” Remy felt a tingle in his chest, remembering their morning, the way Jed had looked at him like he never wanted to look anywhere else.

“It’s for damn sure how he was acting when I was there. That hasn’t changed, has it?”

Remy thought about all the ways Jed looked after him, the way Jed was starting to tell him what he needed, too.

“No, it hasn’t changed.”

“So next year, then?”

“We haven’t talked about it.” Remy hadn’t thought he wanted to talk about it with anyone, but now he couldn’t keep his thoughts from tumbling out. ”I kind of want to talk to him about it, and I kind of don’t. I don’t know what to do. It’s just so good with him, Lil. I think this could be it. I know that sounds stupid because we’ve only been together, like, a month, but I just like him so much. I think he likes me that way, too. But I don’t know what Colorado’s gonna do. I played like shit in Ottawa and barely better yesterday. Yeah, I don’t think I can talk to Jed about it until I turn this around and I know they’re going to keep me.”

“Been holding that in a while, have you?” Lily gave him a sympathetic smile. “I think Jed probably understands the contract situation. What do you have to lose by talking about what next year might look like?”

Everything, Remy wanted to say, even though he knew it wasn’t true. Probably nothing would change if he told Jed he wanted to stay and asked whether Jed wanted that, too. But if Jed did want that and Remy didn’t get another contract, it would be so much harder.

“I just don’t think I can, Lil. I’ll feel too much pressure.”

“You’re feeling the pressure anyway, I’m pretty sure.”

“Yeah, but it’ll be worse.” Having said it all out loud, Remy felt more sure about this. As sure as he could be, which wasn’t saying all that much.

Lily looked like she wanted to tell him again that he was wrong, but something in his face must have changed her mind.

“Well, you keep me posted on how that’s working out. You know I love you and you can call me anytime, right?”

“I know. I love you, too. I guess I better get going.” Remy stood up and stretched, then leaned down to give her a big hug. “Don’t ever end up in the hospital again like that, okay? I’ll take my car back if you do. And this chair.”

“That’s not much of a threat, but I promise I’ll be more responsible in the future.”

Remy gave her one last hug, then took advantage of her weakened state to ruffle her curls up in the way she claimed to hate. She pushed him away with an eye roll and said, “Get out of here already,” which made him feel like she really was going to be fine. And that meant he didn’t have to feel too guilty about heading out, and could spend the whole flight back thinking about how good it was going to be to sleep in Jed’s bed that night.

CHAPTER THIRTY

JED

March 25

Jed was relieved by how easily he and Remy fell back into a routine after the Montreal trip. They’d reached that point in the season when one day bled into the next. They worked out and practiced and watched video and tried (and failed) to eat enough to make up for the calories they were burning, and came home and crashed next to each other on the couch with whatever wraps and ice packs they needed that night.

Jed didn’t have enough energy by the end of the day to read, and Remy didn’t seem to have enough to exchange more than a few texts each night with Lily, checking in that she was still recovering and taking better care of herself. At Remy’s insistence, they watched old Blizzards games or games of whichever team they were playing next, and then fell asleep as soon as they got into bed.

And then they woke up and did it again.

Left on another five-day road trip, where they clinched their playoffs spot, but not the top spot in the division.

Came home, did more of the same.

They were so in sync they barely talked some days. It felt intense to Jed, but it also felt right.

Jed wondered if it was the same for Remy, though. The thing was, Remy had stopped wanting sex every day they were home. He no longer wanted sex most days, or at least he no longer tried to start anything up.

It was a relief, in a way, because Jed was tired, too, and definitely couldn’t have kept up the pace Remy set when they first got together. But Jed also worried that he’d somehow not given Remy what he’d needed, back in Montreal, or that Remy was tired of being the one to start things and wanted Jed to take the lead more often.

Or maybe whatever Remy felt for him was an infatuation that was burning itself out, despite those intense moments they’d had in Montreal.

Jed almost asked about it one morning a week after they got home. But he lost his courage and instead just palmed Remy’s erection—Remy always woke up hard as a rock—kissed the back of Remy’s neck, and waited to see what happened next. Remy rolled over, landed a sloppy kiss on Jed’s shoulder without opening his eyes, and said, “Sorry, too sleepy,” before falling right back into breathing deeply and evenly.