Page 182

I turned away, but her words followed me. My entire life had been shaped by avoiding mistakes I couldn’t control. I rarely attended events unless I knew who would be there. I avoided Missy because I no longer knew how to behave in the life she had built. I worked alone because dealing with clients was easier than dealing with coworkers. Expectations could be written, revised, and billed.

The lie gave me the same control. As long as everyone believed I was Loany, I knew my role. Quiet returning pack member. Nomadic wolf. Someone with a reason for every absence and awkward answer. If they knew I was human, there would be no script.

They could be angry and reject me. They could decide I had no place among them.

I had called the lie protection because control sounded uglier.

Patty lowered herself back into the chair. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“You can’t pretend to be a wolf forever.”

“Why not?” The question escaped before I could stop it.

Patty stared at me.

I heard the desperation in my own words. “I don’t mean forever forever.”

“What does that mean?”

“I need time.”

“You’ve had months.”

“I need more.”

“For what?”

I gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. “To figure out how to tell them.”

“No. You’re waiting for a version where you don’t lose anything. That version may not exist,” she said.

I blinked back my tears. “I’m not willing to give this up.”

“You may not get to decide that.”

I sat across from her again. “What if Hudson never forgives me?”

“I don’t know.”

“What if Caldwell thinks I abandoned him?”

“I don’t know.”

“What if Grandma Ruth feels responsible because she added me?”

“I don’t know.”

Each answer made me angrier because I wanted certainty and Patty refused to give it to me.

“You’re asking me to jump off a cliff.”

“I’m asking you to stop pretending the cliff isn’t there.”

I covered my face with both hands.

For a while, neither of us spoke. Then Patty said, “I won’t tell them.”