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That’s not surprising, since I used to have a poster of former Chairwoman Betts on my wall as a kid and asked her for an autograph a few years later at a Witches of North America summit. Serving on the committee has been my ultimate career goal for as long as I can remember.

“Yes, I’d certainly love to join you on the bench one day,” I tell her. “It’s my dream.”

I can hear the smile in her voice when she says, “I think you’d make a fabulous addition to the team. In fact, Committee Member Vertox was telling me earlier today that she plans to retire in a year or so.”

I suck in a breath. “Oh wow, seriously? She’s been a member for fifty years.”

“Mm hm, and we so value her contributions over the years. She’s in perfect health; she just prefers to spend her time gardening and playing with her grandwolves. All this to say there will be an opening, and I won’t get too ahead of myself here, but I’d like for you to fill that spot.”

I let out a loud, chaotic giggle that turns the heads of several nurses in the hallway. “Thank you so much! Oh, you have no idea how much this means to me.”

She laughs too. “Have a good weekend, okay? Stay safe. We hope to have an update for you soon.”

I burst into Ezra’s room and dance my way over to Abe as I tell him. His face lights up as he holds his arms out wide for me. I fall into them, unable to swallow the contented moan that escapes me at the feel of him. He rubs my back in a slow circle, and I let it lull me into a sense of security. Beyond Abe’s embrace, terror awaits, but right here, nothing can get to me.

When we break apart, and my gaze lands on Ezra, tears spring to my eyes at the reality I can’t share the news with them. They know how badly I want this. How long I’ve hoped for it. There’s no way for me to fully enjoy this without being able to share it with them.

I take their hand as I sit on the bed, not leaving anything out about the call with Vice Chairwoman Martinez, but it’s not the same.

The tears stop and start a few more times on the ride home. Abe notices immediately and gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

I picture the hug between him and Otto again, and I can’t help but wonder if I even deserve him. I’m not wondering if he’d give me another chance, but I am certain he shouldn’t no matter how he feels. He was sweet and vulnerable with me, and I just…panicked and shut down.

Stop beating yourself up, Ziggy sends as we get home. You’re used to being alone. Even with Ezra by your side, you were still ultimately alone. They went home to Ilana, and you came home to an empty house. You can keep your mind and body busy for twenty-three hours out of the day, and you’ll still have enough time to notice what’s missing. For the awareness of it to sink into your marrow until the anguish is what sends you to sleep.

Is that how you feel at the end of the day too? I send back. We’ve talked about his past life a few times, but he keeps it guarded for the most part.

No. I hear him chuckle in his mind. I’ve been in love. I know what it means to give someone your heart and trust them not to shatter it. And for them to do the same. Even on my loneliest day, I had what most people never find. My memories are what I carry into sleep, and there I get to relive them.

I scratch the top of his butt, and he lifts his tail like a plant reaching for the sun. I’m glad. That must be a great comfort to you.

He stops halfway up the stairs, looking at me like I put my bra on outside my shirt. The fuck are you waiting for, Crane? Go get yours. Make some memories that’ll carry you across several lifetimes.

I jerk back, rolling my eyes. You think Abe is my person? He’s technically not even a person. I never said I was in love with him.

He shakes his head. No one in this town was made to fit into a conventional mold. Also, I know you’re not in love with him. You’ve never been in love with anyone…and you never will be if you refuse to give anyone a shot.

We go into my bedroom, and he climbs onto the windowsill to watch the squirrels race across the branches of the nearest tree as I change into my nightshirt. I consider Ziggy’s advice as I throw my hair up into a bun and wash the makeup off my face.

What if I did pursue this thing with Abe? What if I gave in to these desires that won’t go away, and we just took it one day at a time? No proclamations of love or promises for the future. What if I let myself have this? Happiness. Good sex. Inside jokes. Something just for me that has nothing to do with the job I have or the one I want or the people I serve.

Maybe broaching this subject the second I remove every layer of glam I start the day with isn’t the smartest move, but I can’t wait any longer.

I poke my head into the hallway where Abe waits with his back against the wall. “Abe? Can we talk?”

Chapter 16

Emma

Itake Abe’s hand and pull him into the bedroom. Ziggy hops down from the windowsill and scurries out the door, giving us privacy.

Good boy, I send him.

Enjoy your bone-a-thon.

Why don’t you deliver that new rock I finished painting for Jules? Can you do that for me? Now that it’s dark out, these rocks can be delivered without worrying about getting caught, especially if Ziggy handles the delivery.

He sighs. Yeah, I’ll drop it off on the way to the bookstore.