Page 4

“I’m sorry,” she gasped, trying to catch her breath. “But you’d laugh at me, too, if our roles were reversed.”

I sighed.

She was right, I would.

I wouldn’t be able to help myself.

However, I was the one in this situation, not her, so it was hard to say what I would and wouldn’t do under different circumstances.

I crossed my feet out in front of me and stared at the blank wall where my TV used to be.

Danny had taken it while I was in jail, along with my Xbox, the controllers, my Dish satellite receiver and all of my kitchen appliances that were small enough to fit into his mom’s SUV.

How did I know this?

Because my neighbors told me.

They’d spent hours telling me how they watched him take everything.

“Why does your cat have a note attached to her neck?” Naomi asked, her eyes caught by the sight of the white paper that stood out starkly against my cat’s black fur.

“He’s a whore,” I said simply.

“Why?” she asked, crawling on her hands and knees toward the cat.

She stopped, read the note, and then snorted out a laugh.

“She’s a muffin stealing whore?” Naomi asked.

I nodded.

“I was bored,” I said. “I even took his picture and submitted it to Ellen for that pet shaming contest she’s got going on.”

“Ellen? The Ellen DeGeneres Show?” Naomi asked. “I don’t think Ellen does that.”

“Well, she should,” I muttered. “Speaking of Ellen, she’s on!”

I was now on day two of my five-month house arrest, and I was fairly sure by day seven, it was very likely I’d be bouncing off the walls.

Naomi and I watched about five minutes of it before she stood, stretching her arms up high over her head.

“I’m going to Wal-Mart. Do you want me to get you anything?” She wondered. “I’ll drop it off tomorrow on the way to pick the kids up from school.”

I shot up off the couch and ran to my office, picking up a piece of white computer paper and folding it in half.

Once I was sure the marker wouldn’t bleed through, I picked up the only writing utensil I could ever seem to find, a Sharpie, and quickly wrote down a list.

Once I had that done, I walked back to the kitchen where I pulled out seven twenties and walked back towards where Naomi was still standing, watching the show in front of her.

“Here,” I said. “This is my list.”

“Aspen,” Naomi started. “This only has a TV on it.”

I nodded.

“Yep,” I agreed.

“But, I thought the chief of police ordered Danny to give all your stuff back,” Naomi sounded confused. “That doesn’t make sense to get you a TV.”