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‘That does not get him off the hook. And I’m also still mad at you.’ She glared directly at Jay and after a moment he broke eye contact and looked at the ground. ‘Why did you listen to him and walk away?’
Jay raised his head again; this time his blue eyes were unflinching. ‘Because I was terrified Rocco was right.’
Frankie took a beat before saying, ‘But if you’d told me, we could have worked something out.’
‘Frankie. Those first few years in the band were insane. I wouldn’t have been able to keep up any sort of relationship. We’d have drifted apart, or worse, argued and ending up hating each other. I realise it was wrong and unfair to you, but that just shows I did not have the emotional depth to deal with what was happening in my life at that time.’
‘You were so cold when you told me you were leaving.’
‘I was barely holding it together, Frankie. I couldn’t look at you in case I broke down.’
Frankie could feel tears threatening. She waited a moment before saying, ‘So, what made you finally come back after all these years?’
‘I missed you. I loved you then and coming back, I’ve realised I’ve never stopped loving you.’
Frankie felt as if all the air had vacated her lungs.
She eventually managed to speak. ‘You got married to someone else.’
He gave a rueful shake of his head. ‘I’m well aware of that. But it was as if I only got involved with her in the first place because nothing about her reminded me of you.’ He laughed shakily. ‘That backfired big time. I know I never loved Astrid. I don’t think I even liked her much. It’s always been you, Frankie.’
‘It wasn’t our time, back then,’ Frankie said, softly, remembering what her nonna had said.
‘What about now?’ Jay said in barely more than a whisper.
Frankie wanted more than anything to let Jay back in but she was scared.
‘I honestly don’t know. What if it’ll never be our time? I was so quick to think you and Valentina had got together and you were the father.’
He gave her a slightly lopsided grin. ‘Yeah, that was quite left field. I would never, ever…’
‘But I thought you had. And Valentina felt she couldn’t tell anyone that she met you and the band because everything always comes back to you and Rocco and what happened twelve years ago.’
‘I know,’ Jay said hoarsely with a haunted look.
‘What if you leave again?’
‘I’m not going anywhere.’
She so desperately wanted to believe him. She was also desperate to kiss him. Closing her eyes momentarily to break the hypnotic spell she found herself in whenever she was with Jay, she said, ‘But the band… your contract mentioned another tour.’
‘That’s the thing. We’re splitting up and we had to agree to a farewell tour. I know the record company were hoping for Madison Square Garden, Wembley, Paris and that kind of venue scale, but Harris was such an amazing lawyer that he’s swung us five dates only. We’re calling it our Roots Tour and we’re bringing it back to where we all started; the places that gave us our first-ever gigs. We’ve got Si’s old community hall, Arlo’s Scout hall, Cole’s tennis club,’ he gave her a ghost of a smile, ‘Cole’s a posh boy at heart. And here, in the Drumkeldy Arms. The final night will be in the student union of the university we all met at. And then we’re done. As these events are small and personal, we’ll be filming at each venue. Ben helped us organise that.’ He looked sheepishly up at her from beneath his hair. ‘He’s a good guy really, despite me having an irrational dislike of him from the moment I met him.’
So there had been an undercurrent.
‘Jealousy isn’t a good look, I know.’ Jay sighed. ‘Anyway, all the profits from sales of downloads and everything will go to our favourite charities and won’t be lining the pockets of any record companies.’
Frankie allowed herself a glimmer of hope. It seemed perfect.
‘But you love music.’
Jay nodded. ‘I do. But I can write and perform anywhere. And from now on, anything I write, solo or with any of the guys from the band will remain ours. I’ve also arranged a cut to Rocco. We’ve worked out a rough estimate on the royalties from “Twisted Serenade” as he is a co-writer. I think he’ll be pretty happy.’
Despite still being furious at Rocco and incredibly hurt by his actions, Frankie was pleased for him.
‘These past few weeks, with the guys, we’ve been talking a lot about when we started out. Don’t get me wrong, we were blown away that some record company was interested in us. We were flattered, starstruck even. But, after the initial buzz, the four of us really questioned if we should. Other people were more excited than us. People told us we’d be mad not to do it. Even my mum told me to go for it, and you know how risk averse she is. We had so many reservations but we felt guilty at not being desperate for it. So we signed. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had an amazing life but none of us are sad to be moving on.
‘I want to come home. To a future in Drumkeldy. I really hope that future involves you, Frankie.’