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The old man didn’t say anything.
“For her. In June. Dean called me and I was in a camp four hundred miles from a road and I said I couldn’t get out, and I could have. I could’ve been on a plane in two days. I told him I couldn’t and I stayed in the camp, and she went in the ground with all of you standing here and me not, and I’ve never said one word to you about it, and you’ve never said one to me.” He looked at the stone. “That’s what you brought me up here for. I know it. Say it.”
John looked at the stone a while longer.
“I’ll say it once,” he said. “And then I’ve said it, and it’s done, and I’ll not say it again to you or to anybody, so listen to it.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You left. Seven years.” He said the number plainly, to the stone, and it was the only time in nine months Brody had heard it in his mouth. “I don’t care why. Dean thinks he knows why and Dean’s wrong, and Remi thinks she knows and she’s wrong, and I never once asked, because a man’s reasons are his. But you left, and you stayed gone, and your mother stood at that kitchen window every evening for a year looking down that drive, and she never said your name to me once, because she knew I’d have to answer her, and she didn’t want to put that on me. And then she got sick, and it was slow, and she had a year of it, and every one of them came. Dean came from the pens. Chase came from the barn. Jett came from wherever Jett was. Remi came home from Lubbock. And she’d lie in that room and listen to the yard, and I knew what she was listening for, and it never came up that drive.” He stopped. “Then she died. And you called Dean and said you couldn’t get out. And I stood here, where I’m standing now, and I put her in, and I thought, that’s the one. Of the five. That’s the one I’ve lost.”
Brody didn’t say anything. He couldn’t have.
“That’s what I had to say,” John said. “It’s said. I’m not going to send it back down the hill with you, because you’ve had it on your back for nine months on your own and I’ve watched you, and I’d have left it there a while longer if it wasn’t for the other thing.”
“What other thing?”
The old man put his hat back on. He looked out over the place, the barn and the pens and the house with its kitchen window, and the yard, where a man had knelt in October and a truck had sat with its engine going at midnight.
“She told you no,” he said.
Brody stood there.
“That girl. In my house, last Saturday night. I don’t know what she said and I’m not asking, but I’ve had a housekeeper at my stove for a week with her chin up and her eyes red and a man at my table who’s been hit by something, and I’ve been married, son, I know what a no looks like on a man.” He didn’t look at Brody. “She told you no. And you’re still in my yard.”
“Yes, sir.”
“That’s the first time.” John said it to the place, not to him. “I’ve watched you leave this county, and leave a camp for a job, and leave a job for another one, and you’ve never once in your life been told no by anything and stood still for it. I’ve waited nine months to see if you would. I’d about quit waiting.” He was quiet a second. “You sat in that truck at midnight with the engine going. I heard it. The whole house heard it. And I lay there and thought, well, there he goes, and I’d gotten as far as being sorry about it, and it stopped.”
The wind went over the rise.
“It stopped,” John said again. “I heard it stop. That’s what I brought you up here for. Not the other. The other I’d have told you at the gate one day and let you go on. This one I wanted to say in front of your mother, so she’d hear it. He stayed, Kell. He got told no and he stayed.”
Brody looked at the stone, and his mother’s name on it, and he wasn’t on a rise. He was nine, in a kitchen, at the table with his boots on the rung, and his mother was at the stove with her back to the room and his father had come in from the yard and stood in the door and looked at her, and said, “Kell, my belle,” low, the way he said it, and she’d said, “Don’t you Kell my belle me, John Royston, your boots,” without turning around, and he’d taken them off. That was all. A man in a door saying two words to a woman’s back and taking his boots off because she’d told him to, and Brody had watched it from the table at nine and not known what he was looking at, and he knew now. It was the thing he’d stood in a room and asked for twice and been told no.
“Yes, sir,” he said, and his voice didn’t hold.
The old man didn’t look at him. He gave him a minute. Then he turned around and walked to the gate in the rail, and Brody walked with him, and at the gate John stopped, and put his hand on the back of his son’s neck, the way he’d put it on Dean’s in the yard and on Levi’s at the table, and walked three steps down the hill with it there, and took it off.
They walked down. Neither of them said anything. At the barn the old man went to the pens, because it was four o’clock and there were pens. Brody stood in the yard a minute with his hat in his hand. Then he went in the house, past the kitchen, where she was at the counter with Max on her shoulder and her back to the door, up the stairs, shut his door, and sat on the bed.
He came down at ten for the plate.
She’d left one in the warmer every night for a week without a word about it, and he’d come down after the house was quiet and eaten it standing at the counter and washed the plate and gone back up, and she’d always been in bed. She wasn’t in bed. She was at the counter with the laptop shut and a cup of something gone cold, in the T-shirt, with her hair down, and she looked up when the stair creaked and didn’t get up.
“It’s in the warmer.”
“I know where it is.”
He got it. He stood at the far end of the counter with it, six feet off, and ate, and she sat at her end and didn’t drink the cold thing, and the fan went, and the house was asleep over both of them.
“John took you up the hill,” she said.
“He did.”
“Remi said.” She turned the cup around on the counter. “I’m not asking what he said.”
“He said I stayed.” He ate. “He said he heard the engine stop. He hears everything that happens in that yard.”