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She paddled her feet. “That I want to find the loon nest.”

“That’s not a secret. Nor is it dark or deep.”

“Fine.” She thought about it for a minute. “I don’t know what having a home feels like anymore.”

Archer didn’t say anything, giving her room to continue.

“When we moved out of the house, Mom’s apartment never really felt like home. It felt like hers. My dorm room certainly didn’t feel that way, and I barely spent time in my apartment in Chicago because I was so busy with my program. Plus, my bedroom was the size of a matchbox.”

“What about here? Silver Falls?”

“There are parts of the cabin that feel familiar, but…I don’t know. I’m looking forward to having a place that I can really settle in, like how the loons have their nest they return to every year.” She paused. “My life kind of feels like this right now. Floating, not exactly sure where the water will take me.”

Tea waited for Archer to say something, but he remained silent. She lifted her head, wondering if she’d floated too far from him and whether he heard any of her last few sentences. He was still right beside her, his face to the sky, deep in thought.

She dipped her hair back in the water. “What’s your deepest, darkest secret?”

He didn’t respond. After a beat, she heard the rustling of water, then tender hands reaching for her waist. She righted herself as Archer pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.

He kissed her, his body warm and solid. She kissed him back, taking her time, enjoying the way he cradled her, like holding a precious piece of art.

When they broke apart, he rested his forehead against hers. “I’m still in love with you,” he whispered.

The sound of those words bloomed in her chest, warming her to her core. “Still?”

“Still.” He pecked her lips. “I did my best to ignore it for so long, tried to move on from you. But then I saw you get out of your car at the beginning of the summer, and I couldn’t help it. You’re even more beautiful than I remembered, and I felt devastated. I realized that my feelings had never changed. All I did was turn them off for a little while.”

She swallowed. “And now?”

“Now…I don’t think I’ll ever be able to switch them off again.”

He kissed her, soft and slow. “Don’t say it until you’re ready,” he continued. “I’m a patient man. I can wait.”

She felt every emotion in the book, and she wasn’t sure which one to grasp onto. She was ecstatic. Sad. She felt grief. She felt passion. She felt longing. She felt scared. She felt hope. Did all of these things equate to feeling love? Was that what people meant when they said it?

“What is that feeling like?” she asked him cautiously.

He kissed her cheek. “You know that feeling you get in your gut right after you jump in the lake? You’re floating in the air, waiting to hit the water?”

“So…feeling love is feeling absolutely terrified?”

“Well, yes.” He chuckled. “It’s more that freefall feeling. There’s exhilaration and excitement, but also fear. It feels like you don’t have control. But you have to trust that the water will catch you, that everything will be okay.”

“And what about when you hit the water?”

She waited as he thought about it for a moment. “I guess…that’s where you’ll find the relief, and hopefully, the joy.”

She nodded. She understood that feeling well. Tea felt like she had been freefalling since the day her dad died. She waited for some kind of relief, yet still after eight years, she never found it. Or…she wondered if what she was experiencing was more like floating in the lake, completely aimless. At least Archer had taken a leap in a certain direction, and now he was freefalling, waiting to see what would happen. He went for it, and she was the only one who could give him that relief.

He grabbed her legs and wrapped them around his waist as they floated in the inky black lake. “What are you thinking?”

“I-I don’t really know what I’m thinking.”

He kissed her shoulder. “Maybe we should dry off and go to bed?”

“Okay,” she whispered, her gut twisting. For some reason, she felt like she’d failed him. Or maybe she failed herself.

The sound of muffled voices echoed from across the lawn.