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Kevin minimized the spreadsheet, now hidden below a desktop picture of Honey growling at a crab on the beach. He swiveled his desk chair around and faced her. “Nothing.”
She rolled her eyes, then aimed to turn and walk away. “Of course, why would I even ask?”
“You finally remembered to bring my kanelbullar?”
She paused, then shifted toward him and placed the plate on his desk. “Yeah, sorry, I was in the zone back there.”
“How’d the lemon curd come out?”
“This is by far my best batch. The extra lemon zest really made a difference.” She stopped herself, her eyes on the smile that curled his cheeks. She huffed. “What?”
“I love when you talk pastry to me.”
She crossed her arms. “Surprised you even let me given how you’ve been ignoring me.”
He hummed a sigh. “I have a lot on my mind.”
“Care to enlighten me?”
Kevin hesitated, then shook his head. “It’s nothing.”
She rolled her eyes again. “Fine. Whatever.”
Jess turned to walk away, ready to finish her tartlets and get them in the fridge before closing for the night. But the sight of Honey curled up in her dog bed made her stop, made her really think about that summer and everything that happened since taking their little puppy home. Camping in Vermont, skinny dipping late at night, opening the bakery, seeing her family again, New York…
It was the best summer of her life, and as she eyed the small sunbeam that turned Honey’s fur into shimmering, shiny gold, she realized she wanted to have more summers like this one. And every other season in between.
“You know what, no,” she said, spinning back around to face him.
His eyebrows raised in surprise.
She pointed to the screen. “You’re clearly keeping something from me, and I don’t like it. Why do you keep doing that, Kevin? Why do you keep secrets?”
“Because every time I tell you the truth, you run,” he said.
“That’s not fair,” she rebutted. “You couldn’t have expected me to take your hidden deal with my father well. I needed time to process it.”
“You’re right. You needed time to process it. You also needed time to heal and to fix things with your family. I was too selfish and stole all of your time this summer. And in the end, all I did was cause you pain.”
“You know that’s not true,” she breathed.
“It is true,” he countered. “I should have told you right away, from the moment I made you the offer. I should have told you who was behind it all. But then…but then things changed and you let me get close to you and I lost all of my control. So I didn’t say anything because I knew as soon as you learned the truth that everything would be over and I—”
He rubbed his face hard, his eyes now red. “I’m so deeply in love with you, and I am terrified of losing you.”
Jess took a tentative step toward him and brushed her knuckles against his. “You’re not going to lose me,” she whispered.
“Then why do I feel like I already have?”
“Because it’s me,” she confessed. Feeling bold, Jess climbed onto his lap. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath as she combed his wavy hair with her fingers, then angled his face to hers. When he blinked his eyes open, she gave him a smile, her stomach doing somersaults at the longing in his gaze.
She clenched on to that feeling, using it to fuel the words that she needed to finally say.
“You’re right, I keep pushing you away. I keep pushing because I am so god damn scared to let someone in. I’m afraid I’ll lose myself all over again and go back to sacrificing instead of letting myself focus on me. I’m afraid of falling in love then falling out of love and feeling stuck, to go back to living a life that felt stale and useless. I was in love with Charlie, but then that spark faded. What if it happens again? What if we fade and we hate each other and we feel—”
“Stuck.”
She nodded.
