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“If Kit wants a relationship, then why are you so torn up?” Tex asked. “You like the guy, right?”
“He loves the guy,” Hollywood said, seeing right through me.
“Then I don’t get it,” Tex said.
“Don’t you?” Hollywood asked, giving him a long look. “Joey loves Kit. He just doesn’t think Kit can love him.”
“We’ve all felt some version of this,” Knight said. “Do you think I ever thought I was worthy of Aiden? Hell no. He was way too good for me.”
Tex nodded. “Same, man. I fucked it up with Hollywood before we even got started.”
“You really did,” I put in unhelpfully. But I wasn’t feeling particularly helpful today.
“Listen to what they’re saying,” Ghost said gruffly. “You’re not alone in this.”
“It’s not the same,” I said. “Kit has good reason not to love me. I hurt his sister. Hell, let’s not sugarcoat it. I paralyzed her. I ruined her life.”
“Do you think Dakota would say her life was ruined?” Knight challenged. “Aiden told me about meeting her at the drag show. He said she was super fun and positive. He thought your friendship with her was the best thing that could happen to you. Because you’d see, finally, that you didn’t destroy Dakota. That she was stronger than her injuries, and she didn’t let them define her.”
“He had a lot to say,” I said sourly. “Where is he?”
“Working late,” Knight said. “I wish he was here. He’d say it all better than I can.”
“You said it pretty well. Dakota is great.” I smiled faintly. “She told me that night that I was her friend. But…” I pushed my remaining fries around the plate with one finger. “Now her dad doesn’t want me in her life, and I don’t want to create conflict between them.”
“If you’re really Dakota’s friend, you’ll let her decide how she handles her dad or anyone else. She decides if you’re worthy,” Tex said. “Just like Hollywood decided I was worth the trouble.”
Hollywood bumped his shoulder. “Glad you finally figured that out.”
Knight nodded. “And let’s just come out and say it. If Kit loves you, if he’s willing to fight for you, then why won’t you let him?”
The words sank their claws into me. I mulled it over for the rest of the evening as the conversation moved on.
Later, when we were walking out to the parking lot—the burger, fries, and three glasses of water sobering me up enough to drive—Hollywood broke away from Tex to follow me over to the Hummer.
“Hey, are you going to be okay?” he asked. “You can come by our place if you—”
“How do I know Kit really loves me?” The words burst out of me, having sat on the tip of my tongue for the past hour. “How do I know he really can forgive me? Maybe he just likes the sex. Maybe he just thinks he can handle it and he’ll change his mind.”
“There are no guarantees,” Hollywood said. “Maybe he’s forgiven you completely and it’ll never come up again. Maybe he thinks he has and there’s more to work through. But if he says he loves you, and you love him, maybe it’s worth the risk? All I know for sure is, if you run away, you’ll never know. And, Joey, don’t you already have enough regrets for one lifetime?”
CHAPTER 30
KIT
“Please tell me you’re not going to stuff your face with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos all night,” Dakota said.
I rolled my head toward her, my neck supported by the arm of the couch, where I sprawled. “Jealous?”
Dakota did me the courtesy of pretending to think it over. “You know, Kit? As much as you’re rocking this whole unwashed, grungy vibe, I’m really not.”
Pogo snuffled at my side. I dropped a hand to stroke his head. “At least this guy still loves me.”
“Pogo, come!” Dakota snapped out.
Pogo stilled and cocked his head toward her. Dakota patted her thigh. Pogo obediently trotted over to her.
“That’s just mean,” I complained. “Don’t you want me to have any comfort?”
