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Driving Maisie Crazy

Page 74

by Deborah M. Hathaway

“I understand what you’re sayin’,” Finn responded.

She looked up at him, a sober expression across his features. “You do?”

“You know how I said I only made it through half a year at Eton?”

She nodded.

“It’s a fairly prestigious school. Quite expensive,” he continued, his tone low and rumbling like the sea, his characteristic humor gone. “Me parents saved for years to earn enough for me to attend. They had high hopes that I’d do well enough to earn a scholarship, graduate with the highest honors, and go on to make a name for meself at Oxford or Cambridge. They wanted me to become a doctor or a professor. Anythin’ of the sort would do.

“I tried to make it for me parents’ sakes. I tried to make their dreams me own. I did me best to pay attention and do me work, but I wasn’t a scholar. I made great friends who helped me study and taught me how to write papers, but even then, I was failin’. It wasn’t the classes that were hard, I just couldn’t handle bein’ away from home. Me folks, me granny and granda. Norn Iron. I missed it all too much.”

He sighed, giving his head a little shake. “Anyway, I didn’t tell me folks or me friends. Didn’t want to be seen as a wee babe. So I started gettin’ creative, findin’ ways to get me home. Skippin’ classes. Pickin’ fights.” He seemed to fall deeper into his story. “Nearin’ Christmas, I was dared by an older student to sneak his own girl into the dorms for him one night. He promised me five hundred quid, so I figured I could send that money home to me folks to lessen some o’ the guilt I felt for not bein’ able to cope.”

Maisie’s heart reached out to him, and she yearned to comfort the young Finn—misunderstood and missing his home.

“So what happened?” she asked.

His jaw twitched. “I did it. Would’ve gotten away with it, too, but the rat sold me out. His girlfriend spoke against me as well. I was sent home that night.”

Maisie frowned. “I hope he got into trouble, too.”

“Naw, he had all the right connections.” Finn shrugged, his jaw relaxing. “It was better that way. He was where he belonged, and I got to go back to where I belonged.”

He paused. “Me parents were crushed, understandably so. But what made matters worse was that they understood me actions and accepted me all the more.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “It would’ve been easier had they been upset with me. I just felt worse that I didn’t achieve the dream they had for me. After secondary school, I did everythin’ I could to make it up to them. I tried countless jobs that I thought they’d want me to have, only to be fired or quit shortly after. Eventually, I found out about tourin’ companies, but I wouldn’t allow meself to apply.”

He looked at Maisie, then. “The longer I tried to suppress what I really wanted, the more miserable I became.”

Maisie couldn’t look away from him, the understanding in his eyes captivating her. That was exactly how she felt. To hear it from him, to hear his own vulnerability, was more than validating—it was comforting.

“What was stupid of me, though,” he continued, “was that I was makin’ meself miserable. Me folks would’ve been happy with whatever I did. That’s just the type of people they are. As soon as I told them what I really wanted to do, they encouraged me, just like I knew they would.” His features softened, his brow raising. “I don’t know your circumstances. If they’re like mine or not. But I can promise you, even if your dreams aren’t attainable now, and they’re out of your control, it’s far better to pursue them anyway. Ignorin’ dreams makes you miserable. But hope is what makes life worth livin’.”

His words settled deep in her heart, and the truth of what he’d spoken lingered in her soul. Of course he was right. When she had hope, life never seemed bleak. She still didn’t know if she would marry and have kids. If Daphne would ever be happy with her if Maisie did end up leaving. Or if Maisie would spend the rest of her days working with food and nothing else.

But no matter what happened, she needed to have hope that one day, all of her dreams would be realized. Like Finn said, what was life without hope?

“You alright?” Finn asked.

Maisie smiled, shaking her head, watching the waves crash down on the columns below them. “Yeah, I’m just letting it all sink in. Thank you. That really helped.”

He nodded, shifting against the pillar as he stared down at his interlocked fingers. “Listen, at the risk of talkin’ any more than I already have…” He hesitated.

“Yeah?”

“I came over here to make sure you were alright, but also…to apologize.”

Maisie stared, completely taken aback as he continued.

“I’ve made some pretty stupid decisions lately, which, honestly, after the story I just told you, should come as no surprise—what with my decision-makin’ and all. I wanted to let you know that I’m sorry for the way I’ve been behavin’. I know it can’t have made sense. Flirtin’, then ignorin’ you, then flirtin’ again, then…” He sighed, straightening on the columns and removing his cap, running his fingers through his hair. “Anyway, I just wanted to explain that I have a lot more than me relyin’ on my income right now.”

“Right, your fish.”

He smiled. “Aye. But more than them, like.” He seemed to want to say more but shook his head in the end. “I need to keep this job, me income, the bonus, for my family. That’s the short of it.” His eyes delved into hers. “I love spendin’ time with you, though. More than anyone I’ve ever had on tour, easy. And were it not for these stupid rules, I’d have taken your wee bet, and we would’ve had a cracker date this weekend.”

Maisie’s breath was snatched away as he looked down at her, his dark hair lifting in the breeze. To hear him say that he’d wanted to date her, that he’d been drawing too close to her, was exactly the hope she needed.

A lightness took flight in her heart. Her circumstances were still the same as this morning, but the very fact that Finn liked her had shone the light of hope on the darkest shadows of her heart, and her spirit flourished.

“So,” he said, “there’s two vulnerable Finns for you today.” He leaned back, pulling away from her and slapping his hands on his thighs. “Feel better about your embarrassin’ moment after I’ve shared two of mine with you right here?”