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Sam managed the tiniest of smiles as he followed her back into the kitchen, taking his seat at the table. He didn’t even have the energy to ask if she wanted a hand. Though that was probably a bad idea anyway; Liv’s tea was the best around, and no doubt his cursed hand would end up tainting it.
Busying herself with the tea, Liv brought a couple of mugs over and passed him one, taking a seat next to him with hers.
They both blew on the mugs and sipped in unison, and she met his eyes over the rim with a smile, which he couldn’t help returning.
“What brings you here in this snowstorm?” he asked.
Liv put her mug down. “Twin intervention. You and Maya are both making me miserable by default.”
Sam froze, tightening his hold on the mug with a painful twist in his gut. “She’s miserable?”
Liv rolled her eyes. “Of course she is. She’s in love with you and you broke things off with her.”
He froze at the idea of her unhappiness, despite hearing that she might love him, and despite the recent sip of steaming hot tea.
Shaking her head, Liv touched his hand. “How did you expect her to feel?”
Swallowing, he tried to get his words out. “I thought that I was doing her a favor, and she’d be happier because of it.”
She was silent for a moment. “Really?”
“Why else would I make myself this miserable?”
Scooting her chair a little closer, she took hold of his hand. “What if, deep down, all of this is about self-preservation?”
He studied her, trying to fathom what she was getting at. “I don’t feel very preserved. More like my heart’s been ripped from my body and trampled by a herd of elephants. Wearing stilettos.”
Liv smiled. “Okay. I’m going to be blunt.” She took a deep breath. “You were worried that she was going to choose this new job over you. A different life, over you. You have a massive fear of rejection that you’ve never faced up to. Because Dad left us, then you thought you’d been abandoned by your first love and that she didn’t regard you as good enough. You were taken advantage of by a narcissist who exploited those vulnerabilities and cemented them so deeply over the last few years that you can’t even assess the depth of the trauma.” Pausing, she studied his face. “So, you ended it with Maya. Before she could do it to you, because you couldn’t stand the thought of her rejecting you for real when you’re so in love with her.”
Sam stayed silent for a few moments, trying to absorb all of that. His sister’s words had impacted him like a truck carrying a ton of bricks.
He blew out a slow breath. “Shit. Who needs a counselor with you around?”
Liv gave his hand a squeeze, and he attempted to process his racing thoughts. In his heart of hearts, he knew there was truth in her assessment.
He glanced up. “I really did think it was what was best for her. I don’t want to come in between her and her dad. Especially when I know, we know, what it’s like to lose that relationship.” He squeezed her hand. “Plus, I don’t know if I’ll ever be good enough for her.”
Liv shook her head. “Good enough has nothing to do with what you do for a living, Sam. You love her, she loves you, and you both put each other first. I’ve seen it. You’re an excellent team. That’s what makes you good enough. And as for her dad, he’s not going to abandon her just because she makes a career choice that isn’t his preference. It won’t take him long to discover that she would’ve wanted to turn down the job offer anyway, even if you didn’t work on the mountain too. And that you make her happy—it’ll be reflected in her well-being, and he’ll be delighted by default.” Liv gave him a meaningful look. “Because he’ll know that his daughter is with someone deserving of her.”
Emotion pricked at his eyes. “I’ve really fucked this up, haven’t I?”
“Not yet. But you will have done, if you don’t rectify it by accepting the trauma of the past and making a decision to work through it. With Maya.”
Lifting a hand, he tucked his sister’s hair behind her ear. “How come I’m the messed-up one, when we’ve both been through the same shit?”
She shook her head, averting her eyes. “I haven’t been emotionally abused by my girlfriend for the past number of years.” Leaning closer, she gave him a smile. “Remember, Sam. Not everyone leaves. Dad was an arsehole, but you aren’t. Mum isn’t. I’m not. Well.” She grinned. “Sometimes I am.”
He couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Sometimes?”
Liv punched his arm. “Watch it. Also”—she shot him another meaningful look—“Angus isn’t.”
Knowing exactly what she was getting at, he nodded. “You’re right.” He cleared his throat. “Maya said that I should get counseling. I didn’t understand why at the time, but now I’m starting to think it’d be a good idea.”
Liv nodded. “You should. I did, a few years back.”
Sam’s eyes widened, his heart squeezing painfully. “I didn’t know that.”
She shrugged. “Sometimes I wouldn’t tell you stuff, when you were going through a difficult patch. Didn’t want to overload you.”