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“Come again?” I lean into the screen, pretending I didn’t hear him clearly.
“You were right,” he repeats. “I didn’t stop looking over my shoulder, knowing Matteo was still out there. Even with him thinking I was dead, there was always that voice in the back of my mind to stay hidden and on high alert. The people I hired before left because I kept accusing them of things that weren’t true. I actually threatened one with a knife. Maybe I self-sabotaged. I don’t fucking know. I’m not a shrink. Either way, I’m giving this another shot. A real one this time.”
“If that’s what you really want.”
“It is,” he confirms. “You know my next question, don’t you?”
“Please don’t tell me you’re going to ask how I’m doing. I would hate to throw up after eating an overpriced dinner.” Alone. I ate it alone, sitting at this desk, and it should have been enough for me. It has to be enough for me.
“Fine then, smart-ass,” he drawls, leaning back in his leather chair. “Here’s a different question. Have you still managed to keep away from June? Or have you cracked and flown out there?”
“Oh, fuck off.”
“It’s a fair question.”
There are times I forget he’s known me all my life. “Of course I’m not flying out there to see her, so you can go back to minding your own business. Anytime you feel like it.”
“Never? Never ever?”
“Why are you being an asshole?” Feeling restless, I get up from the desk and go to the window, hoping a change of view will somehow keep me from blowing up at him. The city lights are as captivating as ever, the cars down below representing so many lives completely different from mine. Those people probably don’t know men like me exist. If we do, it’s only in their nightmares.
“After I watched you two once we knew she was safe, I told myself you wouldn’t make it more than a couple of weeks before you had to go after her.”
The smug, smart-ass look on his face makes me glad, if only for his sake, that we’re so far apart.
“I hope you didn’t put any money on that bet you made with yourself, because you were wrong.”
“I’m sure you haven’t obsessively stalked her online either.”
“You know? I have to wonder where you get off.” Joking is one thing, but this is getting out of hand.
“What does that mean?”
“Sophia. That’s what I mean. You hung around and—what was your excuse? You convinced her men to clean things up.” I don’t bother hiding my snickering. “Please. Could you have been any more obvious? How are things with her, since we’re talking about women?”
I can see him shift in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable. Good. “She has her life. I have mine.”
“That’s as far as it goes? Especially when she’s in the position she is now? A widow with an empire to handle?”
His jaw works, but his expression hardens because he’s a stubborn fuck. “Like I said. Two separate lives. What happened wasn’t a rekindling, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“So you haven’t thought about moving back to be closer to her? I’m sure you can find a good home for your animals.”
“No way.”
“About the animals or Sophia?”
“Both,” he confirms.
“I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t remember asking whether you believe me or not,” he snaps, telling me he’s thought a lot about it. “This is my life now. This is where I live, it’s who I am. I don’t want to go back to being the man I was.”
“Give me a fucking break,” I groan, sitting on the bed. “Be honest with yourself. When was the last time you felt that alive? The way you felt back in LA? Can you really go back to living that way?”
“Are we still talking about me, or is this about you?” Because of course he has to deflect rather than answer my questions. “Can you go back to being alone? How many hotel rooms do you sleep in over the course of a year? Don’t they all start to look the same after a little while?”
“Yeah, sure. I’d be very successful at my job if I brought a woman along with me everywhere I go. Especially her.” For some reason, I can’t bring myself to say her name. My mouth refuses to form it.
