Page 86
“I won’t have any regrets,” he said automatically.
So why did his stomach churn as though he were being tossed by fifteen-foot-high waves?
Because it’s a lie.
He would always have regrets when it came to Lavinia, but he’d waited too long. She was gone because he’d driven her away.
“Just give her the money,” he said, picking up his hat, coat, and long silk scarf. “That will be enough.”
It would have to be, because it was the only thing she would let him do for her.
“It’s done,” said Siobhan, a glass of claret in her hand.
Anika, who had joined them in celebration of what Lavinia had begun to think of as “the prince’s blasted ball,” smiled. “How many gowns did you complete for tonight?”
“Twenty-three,” said Lavinia before taking a sip of wine. “And that doesn’t include the ladies who wanted full wardrobes for the rest of the events.”
“I don’t think I can feel my fingers anymore,” said Siobhan, poking at her forefinger. “They’re completely numb.”
Lavinia laughed. “Your hinting is duly noted. Take Bronagh and go home. You’ve both more than earned a day off tomorrow.”
Siobhan set her glass down and dragged herself up out of her chair. “Promise me you’ll enjoy the ball and not decide to instead stay at home and total sums in the account books.”
Lavinia murmured something that sounded like agreement and waved her head seamstress out the door, but when Siobhan was out of the room Anika fixed her with a look. “She’s right, you know. You’re hardly acting like a woman who will soon have a royal audience.”
She sighed. “You know the company I’ll be keeping this evening.”
Anika smiled. “At least your evening will be more enjoyable than mine. Hari’s been having nightmares, so I’ve had little rest. I don’t expect tonight to be any better.”
Lavinia clucked her tongue. “Poor thing.”
“I think he’s missing his father,” said Anika.
“When does Mr. Pawar return?” asked Lavinia.
“In two weeks, and stop changing the subject,” scolded Anika.
“I’m showing concern for my friend,” Lavinia protested, although Anika was right. She didn’t want to speak of why she was staying up trying to chase away the nighttime hours with accounts, because that would mean addressing what she had lost.
“What happened?” Anika asked.
How did she explain the pain of realizing that Andrew still didn’t trust her after all they’d been through? What could make someone else understand the way she’d felt pulled in two, wanting him to love her but knowing that if she didn’t walk away now she might never recover her heart?
Finally, she simply settled for the truth. “I fell in love with him again.”
“Oh, my dear,” said Anika, covering Lavinia’s hand with hers.
“He doesn’t love me,” whispered Lavinia, “and I’m beginning to wonder if he ever did.”
“I cannot believe that that man doesn’t love you. Not from the way he looked at you.”
“In lust,” she said.
“In love,” Anika insisted. “Although he may not realize it yet.”
“It’s too late. He’s leaving Edinburgh and not coming back. He made it clear that there’s no room in his life for me,” said Lavinia.
Anika squeezed her hand. “You can do one of two things: let him go or fight for him.”