Page 33

The instant I hit the water, shock reverberates through me, overtaking all my senses. The temperature is bracing but not freezing. When I resurface, I tread in place, peering into the deep below. It’s unbelievably clear, and I can see some slender fish darting below.

Luka glides up beside me. I stroke my arms back and forth, trying not to focus on how little separates our barely clothed bodies.

“So . . . this casual thing,” he says. “What exactly does that mean?”

I look down, focusing on the gentle ripples of the water rather than him. “You know, nothing serious.”

“Even if you like the guy?”

Especially if I like the guy. There were a few who seemed decent, that I could’ve seen myself with if I let things go that far—but I never did. Because I know what happens when you do.

James’s face flashes before me—his dimpled smile, chestnut curls that glinted gold in the sun. I think back to the last time I saw him, us huddled beneath a blanket on a windy beach south of San Francisco. He was going to Chicago the next day for a new job, though he promised the distance wouldn’t break us, that his love wouldn’t fade.

“Like is a loose term. Sure, I sometimes have a good time. But that’s all I need. It’s less complicated without . . . deeper feelings involved.”

“Don’t want those,” Luka says, twisting his face into a mock grimace.

“What about you? Are you seeing anyone?” I ask to shift the focus.

“If I were, I wouldn’t be here with you.”

So this is something like a date, then. The thought makes my stomach knot with nerves. I submerge myself and push forward in an effort to soothe it.

I surface at a shallower patch of shore. Wiping water from my face, I stand and study the surrounding landscape made up of large gray boulders with gnarled trees scattered on top.

Luka swims toward me a few moments later. When he straightens, my gaze dips to where the water licks his torso, then up to the hollow of his throat. I jerk my eyes back up, but the way his lips tilt ever so slightly tells me he noticed.

I watch as he drifts toward me, closer and closer. But I don’t move back; it’s like I’m in some sort of trance. Lulled by the sea’s caress, the presence of him. He doesn’t stop until a sliver of water separates us.

When he speaks, his voice is low, gruff, scraping goose bumps across my skin. “You know, nothing serious works for me. If it works for you.”

All thought whooshes out of me. All I can focus on is the solidness of him hovering over me, the flecks of salt water clinging to his lashes. His eyes, dark and hungry.

I’m no longer solid, just a melting pool of desire. Maybe he’s precisely what I need. A comforting distraction from my haunted thoughts.

I whisper, “It does.”

The moment it’s out, his hands grip my waist.

I’m suddenly solid again, my skin sparking at his touch. Instinct takes over and my body responds in one seamless motion—arms lifting, wrapping around his neck, head tilting just in time as his lips crash onto mine.

My senses explode at the taste of salt and wine on his tongue. His kiss is slow and deliberate, like he’s drinking me in. The sensation is so satisfying, that before I can stop myself, I release a small moan.

His grip tightens, fingers digging into my skin as they skim up my back. I respond in kind, threading my fingers through the wet tendrils of his hair. Tugging. A wave of pleasure rolls through me at the way his breath hitches.

He kisses me deeper, dipping slightly as he lifts my legs. My eyes flutter open with surprise. But before my lips descend on him again, something red catches in my periphery.

Blood—swirling in the water around us, like ink spilled from a gaping wound.

I stiffen, and for a split second, I can’t tell if I’m dreaming. If I’m back in my nightmare, with my stomach split open. As Luka’s hold slackens, my hands fly to my abdomen. Smooth. In a panic, I check Luka, scanning his figure. Relief washes over me when I see he’s also unharmed.

“I’m sorry,” Luka says. “Was that too much?”

The blood vanishes, the sea back to its shimmering hue.

I stare up at him in a daze. “No,” I manage to say. It was perfect, in fact. I’m not sure what happened. Why in that moment, of all times, my mind conjured blood. Or why my chest felt like it was collapsing when I thought it might be coming from him.

I just lost my mom. I can’t afford any more heartbreak.