Page 39

“Why are you upset, my lady?” I asked. “Did someone say or do something untoward?”

“No.” She hugged herself, hands gripping her elbows. “I just never imagined marrying a stranger who despises me. And I know he doesn’t look his age in the slightest, but he’s just so … well, old.”

I involuntarily smirked.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” she added quickly. “As you said, marrying the king is the greatest honor.”

It was. It should’ve been, anyway. But, looking at her red, tearstained face … the wedding should have been the easiest part. A pretty dress, a party, some vows. And yet, Cali felt the loss of her freedom so keenly, felt the wrongness of this unwanted connection she was forced to endure. It was clear that there was nothing worse I could have put her through than subjecting her to this life.

But it was far too late to feel sorry for it.

“You can say whatever you please in front of me, my lady.”

“Can I?” she said, bitterly wiping tears from her chin. “You don’t report everything your knight says and does to the king?”

“I’m your squire,” I said. “Not his.”

She looked at me, her gaze a mixture of skepticism and awe. She stood, pacing a bit before halting abruptly. “I wish I understood you.”

I looked at the floor, grabbing my wrist behind my back. “It’s all right. Most people don’t.”

“No, I mean…” She paused. “You’re still here. Performing your duty, despite…”

“Despite your cousin?” I finished, trying not to chase her from the subject with a severe tone.

“I didn’t know I’d be assigned both a squire and a husband when I took the position.” She looked as if she wanted to cry again, and … and I couldn’t bear it. It made me want to put her to bed and never say anything to upset her ever again. “The one thing I had a choice in was what I wore today. Is that how it is to be for the rest of my life? Everyone around me choosing what I’ll wear and do and say until death allows me to escape it all?”

I paused, weighing my words. I was much better at lying than I used to be, but I’d never quite learned to protect people’s feelings. Probably because I’d never cared to protect Vi’s, but still. It was clear Cali was confused and hurting.

But I was hurting too. Sick of the games she’d been playing with me. And, as much as I hated to see her tears, she didn’t seem to understand how very wrong she was about everything. Even after I’d mentioned the possibility of my being punished if she didn’t allow me to perform my duty … it didn’t seem to matter to her. She cared for her own happiness, and that was all.

She is a knight, after all. Did you expect better from her, Beric?

“What did you think it meant when you accepted a royal appointment?” I asked, perhaps a bit harshly. “Did you think there would be no standards or requirements of you, no sacrifices? That you’d be free to do whatever you wish? With respect, my lady, this is a palace. That only runs as it should because everyone does their part. You would be far happier if you’d see it for what it is instead of treating it like some … fairy tale.”

“I’m beginning to see that,” Cali murmured, her face directed to the floor.

I immediately regretted my tone. “We’re all on the king’s chain. Some of us just have longer leashes than others.”

She cringed. “God, could you pick a more terrifying analogy?”

“The length of your chain is dictated by what you do with the small bit of influence the king bestows on you. I started as only a squire. Now I’m third in power next to the king and queen.”

“Yes, but are you happy?”

The “No” slipped out before I could stop it, and I rested too long on the word, wishing I could take it back. “But that has nothing to do with the fact that I took an unfortunate situation and turned it in my favor. That is what I want for you.”

“I can understand that.” Still, she shook her head, looking at me curiously. “What I don’t understand is you. Your magic is so powerful. More powerful than mine, I’m sure. Why not amplify the king’s magic and make this darkness go away more quickly?”

I chewed on my lip a moment. “It’s more unpredictable than it seems.”

Never mind The Dark. The king was unpredictable. Who knew what he was capable of with amplified, unbridled magic? But Cali was already distressed and there was no point in frightening her further.

“Well,” said Cali, “we should be focusing on finding someone with his same magic then, to help in the fight.”

“There is no one with his magic.”

“In two hundred years, they’ve found no one? No magic can be that rare.”