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Except, I knew Vi, and she didn’t trust anyone, not even me. She would’ve never put any of her private items where her maids could find them.

I searched the wardrobe, the drawers, feeling for hidden compartments. Under the mattress, the floorboards, in the hearth. Nothing. Perhaps she truly did throw it away.

Or perhaps …

I looked at the door that connected this room to the king’s. No. That would be utterly insane … to hide it in the hall connecting the rooms? But then, the king never used this entrance—Vi always went to him. And no one was allowed through there except for me and his knight.

I opened the door as quietly as I could, so as not to disturb the king. The hall could barely be called a hall at all—it was more like a ten-foot-long narrow passage connecting the doors to each room. It wasn’t even lit, but I didn’t need to see to feel for any inconsistencies in the brick. And there it was—a brick near the floor, where it was so dark no one would ever think to look.

Carefully, I pulled out the thin brick and removed a small leather-bound book before sliding the brick back into place. Taking the journal with me back into Vi’s room, I shut the door quietly behind me. I sat on the floor, against the wall, bringing my lantern close.

This was indeed the journal. Even without seeing it for ten years, it still looked familiar. I took a deep breath and opened to the first page. I smiled. To Lady Violet was scrawled there in very poor penmanship. To be fair, I was ten years old and had only recently learned English—I’d known how to write it even less than I could speak it. I’d been so proud of myself, I remembered. Just for writing those three words.

You’ve come a long way, Beric.

I turned the page, this one dated for my first day on the job. The day I’d given it to her. So she had used it, despite telling me she wasn’t one for writing anything but music. After making such a big deal of not wanting it. Seemed pointless to hurt a child’s feelings if she was just going to keep it anyway. But that was Vi’s way.

In regard to me, anyway.

The first entry was relatively short, barely half a page.

They have matched me with an idiot of a squire.

My chest was suddenly tight with familiar anxiety, and I shut the journal without reading further. I should’ve never went poking around. That this horrible woman could torment me, even from her grave …

Tears threatened my vision, and I wiped at them quickly.

She can’t hurt you anymore. She’s dead.

Then why did her words, written a decade ago, make me feel as broken as she always said I was?

I got up and threw the journal into a drawer and shut it, leaving the room behind. Cali wouldn’t be moving in anytime soon anyway, despite Kat believing it would be after the wedding. She wouldn’t live beside the king unless he trusted her. Unless he liked her. And I’d made sure that would never happen.

As for me, I could no longer allow a dead woman’s words to affect me. Nor could I allow the cycle to begin again with Cali. I was her squire, no matter what she expected with her cousin—which was nonsense, and I could tell she knew it too, despite her obstinance. She didn’t understand life in the palace yet, that there was a reason for everything I did. Her cousin could never do what I do, didn’t understand the king as I did.

It was safer for everyone if her cousin was sent home.

Tomorrow I would give her no choice but to accept me.

CHAPTER 12CALLIOPE

Eliza had come through for me with my dream dress, and I had never seen something so stunning in my entire life. It was a deep green velvet with gold detailing and a long slit on one side of the skirt that stretched nearly to my hip. The sleeves were long and fitted, and the neckline was high against my neck except for in the very front, where it narrowly opened down to the bottom of my breastbone. Eliza hadn’t selected any jewelry; my gold armor was to be my accessory.

My outfit was the one thing I’d been able to control in this place, and seeing myself looking so beautiful helped with the nerves. Mostly.

But I purposely didn’t look my cousin’s way. The miserable brat had been glaring at me all morning, ever since she’d discovered I was to marry the king. I’m sure it came as a shock—her cousin with previously zero prospects was all of a sudden marrying the immortal Deus Rex. But honestly, I wished I’d just kept that detail to myself, for my own peace, at least for the morning. Leave that headache for Future Cali to deal with.

The only reason I’d told her at all was because this could very well be the only outing that would be approved for her to attend, as they’d steadfastly been keeping a guard by the room they’d situated her in all of last night—on Beric’s orders, I was sure. If she didn’t find a man who would court her today, I didn’t know what would happen next.

She needed to start pulling her weight in this arrangement—and that meant assisting me with this armor. Faline had brought it in on a small cart, each piece arranged neatly. The gold armor was as beautiful as the copper had been, except there were more pieces, and some of them I wasn’t sure where they attached.

“This feels like a disaster in the making,” Eliza said, giving Anise a mild sideways look. “Let’s have Albert find Beric for us.”

“Anise is my squire,” I insisted. I had no choice. Both our lives were at stake. And I also felt as if I needed to prove to Beric that I didn’t need his help.

“We have to get to the abbey before you,” said Faline. She gave Anise a far more unfavorable look than Eliza had. “But dear Albert is right outside.”

“I’ll be fine, Faline,” I said. “Thank you.”