Page 93
I raise a brow. People in this town weren’t exactly throwing my mom jobs.
“It’s true. She was a sweet girl who clearly needed a little help after dropping out, and I felt this…pull to her. She’s good at that, getting people to like her.”
“Apparently not,” I mumble, “considering everyone in this town has abandoned her.”
“She abandoned them. And I meant it: She is good at getting people to like her. She’s funny, and cunning, really knows how to make a killer paper airplane. Everyone at the tavern was enamored with her.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I take a reluctant bite of chili and hate that it’s just as good as I remember.
“Because I want you to know I see what you see in your mom. I know you think you’re the only one and that all of us are…I don’t know, out to get her, maybe. But really, we’ve all been there at one point. I loved your mom. I still do. But I’m in a constant limbo of just wanting more from her, more for you, and she never, ever brings it to the table.”
“Okay.” I shrug.
No sense in even trying to explain my side, right? Everyone sees what they want to see, no one wants to look for the best in someone that they’ve fully given up on.
“Okay?” she asks.
“Okay…is that all?”
“No. No, that’s not all. I want you to know Rowen and I both weren’t even considering your mom when we—”
“Clearly.”
“I mean she wasn’t even a consideration because if she wanted to be with Rowen, she could be. For years and years, she had the chance to make things work between them, and for years, she continued to run away, chasing fame or money or drinking or whatever it is she’s looking for out there.”
Joy. Happiness. Freedom.
That’s got to be what she’s searching for, right? What else could there be?
I shake my head. “I still can’t believe you made out with Rowen.”
Riley winces. “Yeah…”
“With my boss.”
“Also, yes.”
“On our couch.”
She sighs. “I’m sensing a theme here.”
I look up at her, the blue light from my TV lighting her face up. She looks as tired as I feel. There’s lines around her eyes I don’t remember seeing before, and there’s this dip in her mouth even as she tries to smile that says she’s not okay either.
“I’m embarrassed to admit it’s not the first time either.”
Ugh. I scoff, “You should be.”
“Trust me, I am,” she says, no defensiveness or sarcasm. Just pure honesty. “Deeply.”
Riley folds her hands together and stares at them. “We’ve talked a lot the last month or so, and I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to complicate things. I know that’s ironic given where we are now, but I wanted you to…I don’t know. Figure out the whole jersey thing on your own, and I had hopes that that Cricket girl would tell you, but then she never reached out, and I knew I was eventually going to have to spill it, or Rowen would. I had plans of getting one of us to tell you, just not on Halloween. And then…” She makes a boom gesture with her hands and puffs out air. “It all exploded.”
I pick at a loose thread in my comforter. “I can’t stop thinking about the timeline,” I admit. “Like how and when? And was it before all the yelling between you two? Was the yelling part of it? I can’t stop thinking about this weird…sticky feeling I get at the thought.”
“Rowen and I have always been very good at pretending we hate each other.”
“But…you did hate each other.”
She shrugs. “It’s a fine line, isn’t it? Love and hate.”