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“It sucks. He’s got me on the night shift.”

“Ouch,” I said.

“The 1-800 emergency line. Midnight to nine a.m.”

“Do you get a lot of calls?”

He shrugged. “Not really, but when I do, it’s always a shitshow. Literally. It’s brutal. I’m just now gettin’ used to it.”

“He didn’t have anything else?”

“Not for full-time. At least that’s what he says. I think he’s trying to teach me a lesson or something.” He puffed air into his cheeks. “I have a coworker who gives me crap. I’m dealing with that.”

“Why’s he giving you crap?”

“She. For fun, I think.” He looked over at me. “You know, nobody hates you.”

“Really?”

“Oh, they’re pissed at you for sure. But they don’t hate you. You should call them up. I think Xavier would like to hear from you.”

“And Jesse?”

He bobbed his head. “He’ll come around. If I’m not mad, he can’t be mad, right?”

“Does he know?”

He shrugged. “I think everyone kind of figured out what was happening by the way you were acting. The birthday thing just confirmed it. That really sucked, by the way. We broke a streak. Twenty-five years.”

I gave him a smile that didn’t reach my eyes.

“I’ve been a pretty shitty friend,” he said, almost to himself.

“Ha. Same.”

“Nah. You were always there for me.” He nudged me. “You put up with a lot. I want you to know I see that. And I think you needed me when your mom died and I was just in my own fucking world. I just couldn’t handle anything else and I loved her, too, you know? She was like an aunt to me. It wasn’t easy on me either. But I should have sucked it up. Let you tell me what you needed to.”

I puffed out my cheeks. “It wasn’t really fair to dump it on you if you weren’t in a place to hear it.”

“Yeah, but I could have told you that. I could have at least let you know I gave a shit. I just left you with it, and I knew I was doing it. It was like I was embarrassed to admit that I couldn’t deal with it, so I just avoided talking about it. I was always doing that, it was so fucking dumb. I couldn’t just say the uncomfortable thing out loud. Like with Larissa. I couldn’t even say, hey, I can’t afford this expensive-ass restaurant your mom wants to go to. I just let her take me and then I can’t pay the bill and then I’m taking it out on you because you have to save me—and you would never have gotten in that situation in the first place because you would have just said the hard thing.”

“I think if you would have told me it was difficult to talk about my mom because you missed her, too, it would have made me feel a lot less alone. I wish you had.”

He stared out over the grass. “After everything happened and I was just by myself and I thought, is this what it was like for him? Nobody to talk to? Nobody to give you advice or tell you if you’re being an idiot or to just listen?” His jaw ticked. “To be honest, I didn’t realize how much you were there until you weren’t. I’m sorry. I let you down, and I really am sorry.” He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

We were quiet for a long moment.

“You know what I realized in all this?” he asked.

“What?”

“She’s not the great love of my life.” He looked me in the eye. “You are.”

A lump bolted to my throat.

He sniffed and blinked out at the cars. “You know what she told me? The day she broke up with me? I told her I could change and she said good. Change for somebody else. I am gonna change. For you. Even if you never talk to me again, just know it’s for you. I’m going to be okay. I’m gonna make you proud. Don’t feel guilty, don’t feel bad. Just have a good life.”

Tears stung my eyes.