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“Without trying to sound cliché, it feels like it’s us against the world,” he said.

“It sort of is. But we can make our own world. Our own traditions. One day we’ll have a family and new friends we’ve made together, and it won’t feel so lonely,” I said. “And one day Mike won’t care what we’re doing or who we love.”

He rubbed a gentle thumb across my cheek. “I know.”

We had a love that would never leave the world better than it found it. But it was what we had. And it was better than nothing.

52

CHRIS

We came home from Michigan after three amazing days.

I was glad we went out of town. Made some memories that didn’t have to do with Mike or the friends I didn’t have anymore. I needed it more than I thought, and I think Larissa knew that.

It had been two months now since Larissa and I were a couple.

It was the best and worst two months of my life.

I fell more in love with my girlfriend than I could have ever imagined. Our relationship was like a rip cord being pulled. Once we didn’t have to hold it back, everything just flowed. We were natural together. I got to be in love with my best friend. I woke up smiling every morning and I had to pinch myself that I got to live with her and hold her and kiss her. I didn’t think I would ever get tired of it. To be able to pull her to me and show her affection and tell her how I felt.

It would be perfect if not for the rest of it.

Twenty-five years of friendships, gone. My village, gone. It was really over.

My life lost its seasons. The milestones of the year, birthdays and celebrations, annual traditions and trips. It was like I’d taken a spaceship to the moon. I wasn’t alone, Larissa had come with me, but it was still the moon.

Larissa and I took Woofarine on long walks. Cooked together. We delivered her first graze table order and read and watched shows cuddling in bed. After that graze table order, she got two more from guests at the event. We had Lexi and her boyfriend over for dinners. A few weeks ago, we had a long phone call on speaker with Nancy so she could tell us about her breakup with Phil. She was sleeping on the sofa of a coworker in a crappy apartment in South Dakota now. She hinted that she wanted to come back, asked about the guest room.

I was open to anything Larissa wanted to do. My house was her house now, and Nancy was her mom. But Larissa shut it down immediately. She told me later that it was time both of them went through a different door than the one they came in through.

We wallpapered the living room and we even got out and sat in a little café in a corner where no one could see us and I bought her a lavender matcha latte just because I could. We had wonderful moments when we laughed so hard we cried.

It was a strange juxtaposition of pure happiness and total loss.

In the midst of all this—or maybe because of it—I decided to make some changes. The first one was to get out of retail pharmacy. I applied for a position at Royaume Northwestern Hospital and I got it. It paid more, and I would never have to get yelled at by customers ever again. I put in my notice at Bergmans.

I couldn’t say that I was going to miss it, but it was definitely the end of an era. It felt weird to move on, to work in a place my mom would never know about. To have a relationship and fallings-out I’d never get to tell her. It was like I’d shed a skin and I was a different person, and she’d never get to see the me of now, and I grieved that too. But that’s life when you go through a different door than the one you know. You end up somewhere new.

My two weeks flew by and before I knew it, it was my last day at the pharmacy. I was behind the counter, filling a prescription, watching the last half hour tick down, when Waylon popped his head around the corner. “Dude, somebody just took a dump right in front of the register.”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course they did. I cannot wait to be done,” I mumbled. “Do you need help?”

“Already cleaned it, but the new guy threw up in the corner.”

“Ha.”

His introduction to retail pharmacy. I remembered my first week.

“Hey, so someone’s here to see you,” he said.

I glanced up. “Me? Larissa?”

“Nah. Some guy. One of your friends, I think. Seen him before.”

I froze. My mouth went immediately dry.

“Okay,” I said. “Tell him I’ll be right there.”