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“I don’t want to be the reason Chris loses all his friends after he just lost his mom, Lexi.”

“Is he even talking to Mike?”

“No. But that’s not the point. He doesn’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt him either. He wasn’t doing well mentally before we broke up, he’d probably go off the rails if Chris and I ever…” I trailed off. “I just can’t.”

“Do you want to though?”

I let out a long breath. “Yeah,” I said. “I do.”

I had to try not to think about it.

The truth was, I thought about it constantly anyway.

I kissed him on the cheek on New Year’s and I swear I could still feel his skin against my mouth a full month later.

I fantasized about him. I imagined crossing the hall and climbing between his sheets in the middle of the night just to see what would happen.

He looked so cute in his white lab coat at the pharmacy. It was ridiculous how much I liked it. I got jealous every time he kissed the dog. I was a mess.

“Hey, did I tell you about the loyal husband video thing I saw?” she said.

“No…”

“This therapist listed the three careers that are least likely to cheat. Accountant, farmer, and pharmacist.” She pursed her lips at the last one.

“Doesn’t even surprise me.” I took a sip of my boba. “Why farmers, you think?”

“’Cause they don’t want anyone getting half their farm?”

I cracked up.

“He is loyal,” I said. “I could never imagine him cheating.”

“Is he a good roommate?” she asked.

“So good. You know what happened the other day?” I said.

She poked at her ice. “What?”

“I fell asleep on the sofa. When I woke up, Chris had put my phone on the charger and covered me with a blanket.”

“Aww, cute.”

“Yeah. The weird thing is, I don’t take naps. Ever. I can’t. I feel like I can’t stop moving when there’s work I could be doing, and now suddenly I can stop and it’s so weird. It’s not even like I have less to do because I’m so busy with the business.”

“You’re out of survival mode,” she said, talking around her straw.

I blinked at her. “What?”

“You’re out of survival mode, babe. The cortisol has stopped pumping. The caveman lizard brain has turned off. Your body has marked you safe from round-the-clock consciousness.”

I sat back in my seat. “Oh my God…” I breathed. “I think you’re right.”

“That dude’s got you relaxed. Imagine how relaxed you’d be with a good old-fashioned dicking down.”

I choked.

“He’s gotta be thinking about it too,” she said.