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“I know. He took me to do some secret shops and we went out to eat.”

I fiddled with a napkin on the table.

I felt her study me. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “No. Did you know Chris had a crush on me?” I said, looking at her.

She blinked at me.

“Well, no,” I corrected. “Not a crush. I shouldn’t call it that. That night I met Mike? He just sort of admitted that he’d wanted to drive me home. He told me he thinks I’m pretty.”

She straightened the fives and set them aside. “Your boyfriend’s best friend told you this?”

“It wasn’t like that. We were just talking, and it just sort of came out.”

“And how do you feel about it?” she asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t honestly know.”

She bobbed her head. “Well, if you could go back and do that night again, knowing what you know, having spent all this time with both of them, which one you goin’ home with?”

“That doesn’t matter, Mom. I made a choice.”

“Just tell me. If you could go back and do it again, which one.”

I pressed my lips together.

She pulled out her cigarettes and tapped the box on her wrist. “The fact that you didn’t immediately say Mike tells me everything you need to know.”

“Mom…”

“I’m not sayin’ you need to do anything about it. In fact, I’m gonna say you shouldn’t. Not like you can unring that bell. Chris isn’t gonna touch you with a ten-foot pole, not with his best friend on the line.”

She pulled a cigarette from the box. “I do like him though. Would have been nice to know he was interested, back when it mattered. Those smart ones are never loud enough.”

She got up and went outside to smoke.

I stared at a charred spot on the table where Mom had set a hot pan down a few years ago. I’d meant to sand it out and restain it but I never got to it. I covered it with the vase of flowers that Mike gave Mom and got up and went to my room.

I liked Chris too. But she was right. Chris and I could never. Ever. Not that he wanted to, but hypothetically.

I’d made my choice—and I was happy with it. My relationship was fine. Yes, it had some minor issues. I wished Mike drank less sometimes, but to be fair I’d never asked him not to. I’m sure if I talked to him about it, he’d take it easier. He was a good man.

Still.

There was a part of me I didn’t want to acknowledge that wondered if I could go back, would I have picked differently?

I refused to think about it.

There was no point in dwelling on things impossible to change.

28

CHRIS

I knocked quietly. i didn’t text her first, I didn’t want to wake her up. I was hoping for her mom. It was only ten thirty and Larissa was probably still asleep from last night, considering it was 3:00 a.m. when I got her home.

The chain raked across the door and Nancy peeked out. “Oh, hey, hon!” She threw the door open. “What’re you doing on this side of town? Come in, come in.”