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“I do. But I let myself get all twitterpated and I forgot what we were doing. I’m here to do a job, it’s not real. You know I was actually thinking that maybe I could date him?” I let out an incredulous noise. “But he’s not into me. He just wants me to help him get over her.”

“Did he explain himself? Tell you about the fight with Amy?”

“No. And I didn’t tell him I heard it. What would be the point? All he’d do is deny it. Try to convince me I didn’t hear what I think I did—or he’d confirm everything, tell me that Amy would always be the love of his life, but that he’s really ready to move on, which he’s not.” I shook my head. “You should have heard how upset he was. The way they were arguing. He doesn’t get like that, Ali. He’s all measured and reserved. Quiet.”

“What’s she like?”

I rolled my eyes. “Perfect. She looks like Rosamund Pike, but somehow prettier.”

“You’re pretty too,” she said, closing her eyes.

“Ha.”

What did it matter if I was pretty? Or smart? Or if he liked to spend time with me and confide in me and lean on me.

Because just like with Kelly, I still wasn’t her.

Chapter 26

Jacob

I went back to my parents’ house after I dropped off Briana.

I found Mom in the kitchen alone, wrestling the trash from the can.

“Jacob,” she said when I walked in with Lieutenant Dan. “I thought you and Briana left hours ago.”

“Mom, I got it.” I took the trash bag from her and tied the top in a knot and set it next to the can to take out when I left.

I looked around. “Where’s Dad?”

“He’s dealing with the pool cleanup. It’s not too bad, we’re almost done.”

I stood there, my hands in my pockets, looking at the floor. I didn’t know why I came here. I just knew I couldn’t go home. I’d never sleep.

“What’s wrong, sweetie? You look upset.”

Upset didn’t begin to cover it. I was crushed. Embarrassed. Deflated. I was disappointed in a way I’d never felt before.

Mom waited, and when I didn’t elaborate, she nodded to the sliding back door. “Come on. Let’s go sit on the deck. We’ll watch your dad fish Carter’s swim trunks out of the pool.”

“He got out naked?”

“As a jaybird. Streaked across the yard for five minutes before Gwen caught him. I swear between the twins and your grandfather, I’ve lost ten years off my life.”

I cracked a small smile. We went to the deck and took a seat on the cushioned sofa. The luau was over. The tiki lamps were still lit, and leis and empty Solo cups were scattered all over the yard like a tropical Mardi Gras. Dad was down there with the pool net, scraping the bottom while the red cups rolled around in the breeze.

Lieutenant Dan jumped up and put his head in Mom’s lap, and I looked at Mom’s hands while she petted him. They were arthritic.

Her lupus didn’t flare much anymore, but the damage had already been done to her body. She was tough. She worked through the pain and kept doing what she loved. And when she couldn’t, we helped her.

Mom reminded me a lot of Briana, actually. They were both strong. And stubborn—and they knew themselves. Briana wouldn’t have said no unless she meant no. She said it so quickly too. I cringed again at the memory.

“Did you and Briana have a fight?” Mom asked, breaking into my thoughts.

I didn’t know how to explain this to her. That my girlfriend didn’t actually like me, didn’t want to go on a date with me, and intended to fulfill her promise to me like a contract that would be void upon completion of the work.

I couldn’t believe she said that. That we just needed to get this over with and then I could just date someone else. Like she was interchangeable with some other random woman. Like girlfriend was a position I was trying to fill.