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“Jacob?”

He swallowed. “I uh…I wanted to ask you…” He paused to lick his lips. “I wanted to ask you if you would like to go on a date with me. A real one.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Knocked the wind right out of me. I felt instantly sad and defeated.

“Jacob, no.”

His face fell. I had to close my eyes and let out a centering breath.

“Why?” I asked, looking at him. “Why do you want to date me? What is your reason for asking me. Here. Now. On this particular night.”

He looked almost confused. “I…I like you. I like spending time with you. I—”

“Let me guess. You’re ready to move on from Amy? Time to get back out there, put that relationship behind you?”

He blinked at me. “Well…yes.”

I sighed. He wasn’t asking because he actually wanted to date me. He was asking because he’d just had some messed-up, dick-punch interaction with his ex. He was frantic to get over her and wanted a distraction that would make him feel better. And I was here. A living, breathing consolation prize. Some desperate next-best-thing thing.

I didn’t want to be Jacob’s in-between solution. I didn’t want to be what he did while he tried to work through this or figured his shit out.

I didn’t want to be his second choice.

“Jacob, I know how hard this must have been for you to ask me this,” I said, trying not to let him hear the fracture in my voice. “But I’ve done the ‘Love the One You’re With’ thing. I’m never doing it again. Let’s just get through the next few months. Do what we agreed to do. Be harmless to each other. And then the wedding will be over and you can date someone else for real. Okay?”

His expression went blank. Totally blank.

I knew the wheels were turning. Probably working overtime. And I felt terrible that he’d probably worked up the courage to ask me this and I rejected him, and he was probably regretting ever bringing it up. But I had to be clear. I was not going to be his rebound or his fuck buddy or his friend with benefits.

I’d only be his friend.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally, his voice flat. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’ll never ask you this again.”

I felt like crying.

The fact he didn’t say anything else—anything about feelings—was almost an admission of guilt. Like he was acknowledging that his reasons for asking were exactly what I thought they were.

I looked away from him and nodded. “Thank you.”

He paused another moment, peering at me. Like I might give him a different answer if he just stood there long enough and waited for it.

“Good night,” he said.

Then he turned and walked to his truck.

I went inside and put my back to the door and buried my face in my hands. I wanted to claw my throat out. Throw something, scream into a fucking pillow.

I hated this so much. I hated it.

“Why’s your boyfriend asking you on a date and you said no?” Benny asked.

I looked up and glared at him. “I told you not to spy on me.”

“I didn’t, you left the Ring app open on your phone. I turned it off when I realized.”

I rolled my eyes and cleared the space to snatch my cell off the couch.

“Seriously, why’d he ask you that?”