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“I guess we should get out,” I said.

“Yeah. Are you ready?”

“I’m never ready for a party. I just come to terms with the fact that I have to go inside.”

She laughed.

“Why are they doing it here?” she asked, gathering up her purse. “They couldn’t rent a restaurant or a dining hall or something?”

“Everyone does everything here. Mom likes it. It’s her way of always having us around.”

“Huh. That’s smart, I guess. They’re not getting married here, are they?”

“No. I think some hotel on the North Shore.”

Lieutenant Dan made an impatient whining noise from the back seat. He wanted to see Mom.

I sighed. “All right. Come on. Let’s go.”

When we got inside, the house was empty. The party was a luau-themed pig roast at the pool. Everyone was out back. We went through the living room to the sliding glass doors off the upper deck, and we could see everyone through the window. I let Lieutenant Dan out to go find Mom, but Briana and I stopped there to look.

My whole family was outside, along with Amy’s parents and her sister. A few of my cousins milled around by the pool with Mom’s best friend, Dorothy. Amy’s best friend, Shannon, and her college roommate were over by the bar. A few coworkers and Amy and Jeremiah’s friends sat at the tables. There were tiki torches lit and lights strung over the yard. Mom had hired a bartender, and drinks in pineapples and coconuts were floating about. The twins were running between tables and Grandpa was driving so fast in his wheelchair through the crowd people had to jump out of the way.

Amy stood in the middle of the throng with Jeremiah petting Lieutenant Dan. My brother was in a red Hawaiian shirt, telling some animated story, and Amy wore a white cocktail dress with a lei around her neck, laughing at whatever he was saying.

This was only the second time I’d ever seen them together as a couple. Once at the bar when they broke the wedding news, and now. But this time was different. It didn’t sting the way it did last time. Actually it didn’t feel like anything at all.

No. It felt like relief—because that could have been me down there, at my own engagement party with her. And that would have been the biggest mistake of my life.

I was glad it was over between us.

I think this was the first moment that I actually felt this way. I was glad it was over.

I didn’t miss her. Seeing her with someone else didn’t bother me. At all. Maybe because for the first time in my life I spent my days with someone who seemed to understand me, and the comparison just highlighted how wrong Amy and I had been together. And then I wondered why I’d let it drag on with her as long as I did.

How many years did I waste being that unhappy—that lonely? Why did I wait so long to do anything about it? To say something to her? To let her know how I felt? I’d just stayed, and I was miserable.

“Are you okay?” Briana whispered.

I shook my head, thinking about all the time I lost. “No.”

And I wasn’t done paying for it. Because I still had to get through today. This was Amy and Jeremiah’s party, but I was the entertainment.

“Everyone’s going to be looking at me,” I said quietly.

“No. They’re going to be looking at me. And I’m going to be looking at you. Like this.”

She put her hands on my chest and peered up at me lovingly. Long lashes. Deep brown eyes.

Beautiful.

My heart started to pound, the same way it had when she’d been in my bedroom. It pounded the way it did when she called, or when I saw a letter from her, or when she came out of her house and jogged down the steps.

And she was looking at me now like she loved me.

I knew it wasn’t true. But it felt true. Everyone else would think it was.

I stared back at her. She was holding my gaze and smiling softly and in that moment I wanted to lean down and kiss her, the same way I’d wanted to earlier at my house.