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I nodded and took her hands into mine. “Okay. That’s okay. That’s not your fault if that happens. We’ll deal with that if it does. Come home. Come home and I’ll take care of you.”

She let out a shaky breath. “Jacob, I can’t live with you. I meant that. I meant everything I said that day. I shouldn’t have said it the way that I did, but I did mean it.”

I shook my head. “I don’t…I don’t understand.”

She pressed her lips together like she was trying not to cry. “I’m not sure I’m in any place to be in a relationship.”

My stomach bottomed out. “What are you talking about?”

She didn’t answer me.

I licked my lips. “Look, I know you had a hard time in your last marriage. It won’t be like that with us. I love you. Please. Come home. Or let me be here—”

“No. I can’t. I’ve thought about this a lot over the last two days.” She looked away from me. “Jacob, I don’t know how to be all-in anymore.” Her eyes came back to mine. “I don’t think I’m capable of it. Or any of the things that entails. Especially now. I can’t be the carefree, throw-caution-to-the-wind person I was before Nick. I can’t pretend like I don’t know how these things end—”

“It’s not going to end. Why would it end?”

Her eyes looked so sad.

“You are perfect, Jacob. But I am not. You won’t always want me and I’ll always be braced for it. I’ll never relax. I’ll be waiting for the shoe to drop. I’ll never feel secure. I’ll never really trust you. I’ll just push you away and I’ll be miserable and I’ll make you miserable.”

“I’m miserable without you,” I said. “That’s what makes me miserable.” I swallowed. “Look, I understand what you’ve been through. I do. And we didn’t plan all this to happen this fast. It’s unexpected and it’s scary for you. I get that. We can slow down. We can take a little break if you need it. I can give you space, but I will never leave you, Briana. Do you hear me? Never. Every single thing that matters to me in this world is in this bed. I love you.”

I squeezed her hands as she sat there, looking at them between us. Her chin started to shake.

Please…believe me.

“Jacob…it’s just best—”

“Don’t do anything. Please. Just wait. Don’t make any big decisions right now.”

“Wait for what, Jacob?” she said quietly. She raised her eyes to mine. “What will change?” The way she said it made my heart crack right down the middle.

“Maybe you will,” I said. “Maybe your mind will catch up with your heart.”

“I don’t trust my heart. That’s the problem.”

Lieutenant Dan nudged his nose under her arm and she started crying softly again. I wanted to carry her off and put her where I could keep her safe, pack love around her and insulate her from whatever was eroding her.

But I couldn’t do that, so I just held her instead. I folded my arms around her, and she clutched my shirt like she was afraid I would vanish. But she was the one who was going to vanish, not me.

I felt panicked. I didn’t know how to love her better than I already did. How to show her I wasn’t like her ex or her father. She had all of me—there was nothing else I could give her—and if that wasn’t enough to convince her, what else could I do?

We stayed holding each other for a few minutes. When she finally stopped crying, she spoke against my chest.

“I’m sorry, Jacob.” She sniffed.

“Sorry for what?” I said gently.

She went silent for a long moment. “I’m broken.” The hopeless way she said it made tears pinch from my eyes.

“We’re all a little broken, Briana. We are a mosaic. We’re made up of all those we’ve met and all the things we’ve been through. There are parts of us that are colorful and dark and jagged and beautiful. And I love every piece of you. Even the ones you wish didn’t exist.”

I pulled away to look her in the eye. “What do you need? Tell me what to do. What can I do to fix this?”

She was quiet. “You can’t give me what I need.”

“Try me.”