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Despite myself, I giggle. It slips out before I can stop it, cutting right through the tight feeling in my stomach. “Better.”
“Honestly, it’s so disappointing that he’s not on a date with one of the people you’ve set up right now at this very moment. I mean, how could he ever think he would know better than you?”
“I know, right?” I play along. “After all my hard work too?”
“You need to be compensated for your time.”
A smile tugs at my mouth even when I try to remain upset. “He needs to bake me Nutella cookies every day for two weeks straight.”
“Two weeks?” Theo scoffs. “This offensive is two months worthy, and that’s being generous, but it’s another one of your wonderful traits. You’re merciful. You’re giving him a lighter sentence than he deserves.”
We laugh, then after a moment of silence, Theo says, “Honestly, I was about to call you before you did.”
Like his words are made of fire, they light my chest like my ribcage is made of matches, heat and sparks bursting within. “Really? For what?”
He usually speaks so fast that I catch the hesitation in seconds. Is he nervous? Does his heart beat frantically as mine, as if it might catch fire with all the tiny fireworks flaring around it?
Finally, he says, “I was thinking about what you said. When you pointed out that I haven’t really thought about my future.”
I hum in response, unsure where this is going.
He continues, “I’m not sure if this is something I’d want to do, but I don’t hate the idea. I was doing some research on other jobs, sports-related, because that felt right, and I remembered something.”
“You’re really keeping me in suspense here.”
He chuckles. “Right, well, I remembered when I was a kid, my parents let me play in the town’s recreational team. I was there for fun, but there was this one kid, Joshua, and basketball was his entire life. He told everyone he was going to be the greatest of all time—even had scouts already looking at him.
“Then one day, he took a shot and landed wrong. Fractured his ankle. The team visited him at the hospital and he was devastated; everyone thought his career was over. Doctors said he’d never get it back to the way it was.”
“Oh no.” I think if my dreams were impossible, if my life plan was snatched from me, I wouldn’t ever recover, not fully.
“It was horrible. He went off the grid after that. Then freshman year I’m on the basketball team, yeah, and we have this away game at this school, and their team was undefeated. Imagine my surprise when I saw Joshua was the captain of the team.”
My jaw drops. “No way.”
He chuckles. “I’m serious. We meet up after the game, grab some food and catch up. I ask him what happened, how he healed, and he starts telling me of his physical therapist. He had tears in his eyes; he spoke about him like he was his hero, and I guess he was. But when everyone else said it was over for him, his therapist thought different and changed his life. I’ll never forget the look on his face.”
“And job searching made you think of this story?”
“Yeah,” he says, “physical therapy. You mentioned it too, all the ways health can go south without you knowing. And I think, I don’t know, maybe being someone who helps pull people up when they’re down would be nice. To be a yes when everyone says no. I don’t know, it’s just an idea. I’m not making any solid life plans.”
“But you’re thinking of them.” I smile.
“I’m thinking of them,” he says, “and you know, Lopez, maybe you’re onto something with this overthinking thing.”
It makes me laugh hard, then removes all the bitterness from my dad’s conversation.
And then makes me feel so incredibly horrible.
If only Theo knew what I was planning to do with his sentencing. The very opposite of his joke. I’m planning on getting him the worst possible punishment he could ever receive. After this call, after all the times he’s looked out for me, after the fun times we have had despite me trying not to.
After he’s shown me so many ways he cares about me.
“My dad is calling me,” I say, holding the phone away from my face so he can’t see the guilt there. “I’ll see you later.”
When I hang up, I stare at the ceiling, at the hundreds of glow-in-the-dark stars spread across it, contradicting thoughts spinning around in my mind. I’m a horrible person. I need the money. Theo will never forgive me. He’s just a boy. He’s a good friend. My future matters more than anything.
This time, when I don’t get any sleep, it has nothing to do with studying.
