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“Don’t be immature,” he warns, but he’s smiling anyway.
I shut my eyes and pretend to snore. I hear him chuckle and I peek one eye open at him, then he stops abruptly. “No, don’t be funny right now. I’m serious.”
“Fine,” I say, “you want to talk so bad, let’s talk. But not just about me; what about you?”
Amused yet still concerned, Theo’s face becomes this mix of furrowed brows, upturned lips, and a thoughtful expression that should be impossible to pull off. “What about me?”
“You know what’s not healthy? Continuously being nice to someone who is mean to you. May I recommend a few rounds of therapy?”
He rolls his eyes. “You’re not mean in the slightest; it’s laughable you think that.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “Excuse me?”
“You’re short with me sometimes, but that’s only when you realize that you’re having a good time with me, even though I can’t figure out what it is that makes you not want that when it’s so clear we have fun together. What am I missing here?”
You’re missing a huge, very important, and horrible piece of the puzzle. This is exactly why I wanted to place the necessary distance between us. Now it’ll hurt Theo even more when I betray him, and the guilt I feel is more than triple its original weight.
This should have been a clean deal for me. Now the thousand dollars feels weighted and slimy.
But I’m definitely not removing it from my bank account. Besides, he blackmailed me into doing this. I would have never been in this mess if he hadn’t provoked me.
“You’ve seen me. You know me, right?” I say. When he nods, I go on. “I only have so much time allocated to friends.”
“You have Lexie.”
“She forced herself there until I needed her now too, and she’s plenty. Her personality is like four people already.”
He throws his arms out. “Then what’s a fifth?”
I give him my most deadpan look. “Theo.”
“I’m not here to argue with you on why we should be friends, because we’re already that. You can pretend we aren’t for as long as you need to, but you know deep down that we are. But friends or not, I’m worried about you. As a human being.”
I feel my hands tense in my lap. “I am just fine.”
“You know, when you were sleeping, you were saying a few things.”
My heart rate skips. Lexie always pointed out that I mumble things when I sleep, but I never found it a big deal till now. Did I let something about the case slip? “What did I say?” I ask, trying not to sound as nervous as I feel.
He’s quiet for a beat. “You called for your mom.”
That makes me still, and a tiny sliver of pain lodges itself in my chest. “Oh.”
“You were exhausted and stressed, but you called for someone who couldn’t help; I’m thinking it’s because you refuse to ask for someone who can because you’re embarrassed to.”
I chew on the inside of my mouth. “Maybe.”
“Next time you feel that way, stressed and overworked, instead of bottling it up, don’t call for someone who can’t help. Call for me.”
“Theo—”
“This was my fault,” he says, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I saw what you were working on; you were studying for the math exam. I forgot to help you. And you overworked yourself trying to do it on your own.” He looks down at his hands, linking them together.
I’m watching him as he talks, and there’s a line between his brows that I have the urge to smooth over with my thumb. Of all people, he shouldn’t be worrying over me. “Oh no, Theo, this had nothing to do with you.” I lean forward and grab his hands with my own. Something about him blaming himself for hurting me makes every fiber in my being want to soothe him. I hate seeing sadness on his face. “I promise this was on me.”
His gaze travels to my hands over his and he looks up at me. We stare at each other for long enough that my neck warms, and I catch when his gaze flickers to my lips, then back up to my eyes.
The image of him leaning over while we rode the Ferris wheel appears in my head, and the heat at my neck becomes almost unbearable. This time, though, I don’t move away because I don’t want to.
