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I say the only thing I can think of that doesn’t add to the squeezing and loosening happening in my chest. “I hope you’re not friends with any of those people anymore.”

“I’m not.” He laughs. “I have better ones now.”

His hand stills on my knee, and he leans forward slowly. My body tenses, part nerves, part anticipation as a new, heated feeling floods my body. As he nears, his other hand reaches for my cheek, his thumb rubbing my skin as he closes the distance between us.

He’s going to kiss me.

I want him to kiss me.

He can not kiss me.

“Scared,” I say without thinking, quickly and out of breath. He pauses his movement. “Now that we’ve reached the top, I feel it. I don’t feel good.”

He maneuvers himself next to me, unknowingly making the heat burning through me worse. “What can I do?” he asks. “Should I have them get the wheels turning again?” I grip his arm, mainly because when he moves it teeters the wheel, but also because I’m not entirely sure his promise of scaling the ride was just a joke.

“Just block my view,” I say, putting my head in my lap. “I’m pretending I’m on solid ground.”

“Of course,” he says, then rubs tiny circles on my back until the ride comes to an end.

Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no is all I can think for the rest of the night at the festival; and during the ride he gives me back home, after Lexie texts that she told Dad me and her would stay later; and when I’m lying in bed, tossing and turning.

Then, in the middle of the night, when I finally feel sleep willing to take me over, I shoot up from bed so fast the room spins.

I forgot to have Theo help me with my math.

I throw off my blankets, turn on all the lights, and make myself a coffee for the studying I need to make up for.

CHAPTER 12

Witness Testimonies

(Anonymous)

“Honestly, I thought the ‘vandalism’ was a step up. The founder had a top hat. Lame. Thought the fit was an upgrade. What? You thought I was there the night of the vandalism? Oh, nah, I thought you just wanted to hear my opinion.”

(How did this get accepted as a statement? Relevance???)

My eyes burn with the weight of last night’s study session and my calves tingle from when I had to move to my treadmill after I nearly fell asleep at my desk. I’m still not entirely confident in my math, but I’m doing better enough that I don’t think I need to ask Theo for help—though that could just be me not being able to face him after the weekend.

I like you. An almost kiss. A memory I didn’t remember. Too much for a simple girl like me to deal with, so I’ll just focus on my studying, my school, and my dad—all vastly more important topics than whatever stirred up within me after Theo…

I shake my head vigorously. Actually, no, no more thinking about Theo.

Something that would be easier to do if I weren’t going to my advisor’s office right now to pick up a few things regarding Theo’s case. But a case is a case, no emotions allowed—especially for ones I’m sabotaging.

When I enter Ms. Cortez’s office, the bangles running up her arm sing against one another as she stands to greet me. “My favorite student! Glad you could make it.”

I can’t help but laugh. “I’m not sure you’re allowed to say that.”

“I’m not, but you keep it a secret anyway, which is one of the reasons you’re my favorite,” she says, gathering up photos and handing them over to me. Her pink cheeks are saturated in a golden highlighter that complements her brown skin and brings out the flecks of honey in her dark eyes. “I’m just so happy you took the case. That Theo may seem confident out there, but he’s also a sweetheart and a little more sensitive than he looks. He loves basketball and his team.”

Guilt pools at the pit of my stomach, along with a bit of bitterness. How is it that Theo can get himself into trouble and still be so loved by Ms. Cortez and so many people?

I nearly mention it, but I don’t want Ms. Cortez to see me envious.

She’s one of the only teachers who didn’t look at me with their sympathetic eyes as the poor grant kid trying to keep up with the big dogs, or worse, with no expectations, thinking I’d never succeed like the rest of my peers.

I have to appear like a perfect, ambitious student. Better to be looked at that way than like some pathetic charity case.