Page 35

Theo’s heart approached a full-fledged panic attack. “What makes you say that?” he asked, doing his damnedest to keep his tone somewhere in the neighborhood of “innocently curious.”

“You got all squirrely when he brought that up, but—people always say that shit about us? What changed?”

Theo shrugged. She was getting closer and closer to the truth, and he knew that time was rapidly running out. He would either have to tell her, or hope he could run out the clock. Once they weren’t pretending to be together—and also sort of being together—he could just pretend nothing was different. He had a lot of practice at that, after all. “Nothing,” he lied, and hoped like hell she’d buy it.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Theo

Thirteen Months Ago

Despite what some people thought about him, Theo hated the spotlight. His attitude wasn’t to draw attention to himself, like some of his least favorite teachers thought, but rather an attempt to repel it. It worked, mostly, in that a lot of the other kids were just a tiny bit scared of him, which suited him just fine.

But a thing he hadn’t thought through was that bringing someone up for homecoming court to the dance, when he’d made hating these sorts of things half his personality, would mean even more attention than if he’d just shown up unexpectedly with his best friend on his arm. He also hadn’t given much thought to what it meant to show up with the person crowned homecoming queen.

He really should have expected her to win, if only because she was Avery, and that sort of thing always seemed to happen to her. And he wasn’t unhappy for her, but it was a little disconcerting to be dancing with her while she wore a goddamn tiara. They were in the school gym, sprinkled with fairly half-hearted decorations hung from the folded-in bleachers and a couple of lackadaisical streamers dangling from the basketball hoops. Most of the lights were off except for a few on the far sides and the DJ’s colored flashing lights. It was probably supposed to be romantic feeling, but Theo personally felt the vibe was less rom-com, more horror movie.

He hadn’t had to dance with Avery right after she was crowned—that dubious honor went to Jon Schwartz, who was voted king—but she got to wear the tiara for the rest of the dance, and it did look nice on her. But still, people were throwing looks at them as they swayed back and forth, his hands on her waist and hers on his shoulders. “I really thought people would be over it by now,” he murmured.

The corner of her mouth quirked up. “I think it’s you in a suit, honestly. Everyone’s just surprised to see you in something other than jeans and a hoodie.”

“I wear other things,” he protested, but he was mimicking her grin.

“Where did you get it anyway?”

“The suit? I had to get it when Karl’s dad died last year,” he said. His mom had insisted, even though Theo thought it was too much money to spend on an outfit he would wear once, to celebrate the life of a man he barely knew. But he was glad he had it on hand, if only because of the spark in Avery’s eyes when she saw him.

And he sort of enjoyed it. The surprise, the flash of something almost like hunger across her face, all of it. Right here, with the curve of her waist under his palms, he could admit that. She looked down, chewing almost shyly on her lower lip, and Theo decided to take a risk and readjust his hold on her, tugging Avery a little closer to his chest.

To his surprise and delight she took it a little further, stepping into his arms so that her cheek was nearly resting on his chest. The strains of a pop song he knew Avery loved but he’d never bothered to learn the name of played dimly in the background, but she looked up at him and everything started to fade away. The looks, the whispers, the soft creak of the wood floor, the plaintive piano music over fuzzy speakers—all of it was replaced by the thudding of his heart. He could smell her perfume, soft and subtle, and he readjusted his hold once more.

Now she was resting her cheek on his lapel, and that was both amazing and terrible, because she could probably hear his heart pounding. He tried to think about Izzy, to grasp onto the guilt that might pull him back from a ledge, but all he could find was Izzy telling him, Let’s just be casual, I don’t really do relationships. It was a flimsy shield, and when Avery made a soft, happy sigh, the shield utterly evaporated.

He was in deep, deep shit. He never should have offered to bring her, even though he was just trying to be a good friend. He should have listened to the warning sirens blaring in his head when he first got the idea, the ones that reminded him that this way lay danger. Theo had spent so long avoiding this, not looking straight at the feelings that had burrowed deep into his rib cage ages ago, that suddenly he didn’t know how to ignore them anymore. They were there, they were real, and they were overriding every ounce of self-preservation he’d ever had.

“Aves,” he said, so softly at first he didn’t think she’d heard him. But then she lifted her head off his chest and smiled hazily up at him, like she was feeling it too. He almost couldn’t believe it. It was like a dream, like everything he’d ever wanted and feared all wrapped up into one heart-stopping smile. “Yeah?” she said dreamily. Theo couldn’t believe it—he was practically floating above himself. He tilted his head down, gaze dropping to her lips, and for half a second it seemed like she was reciprocating. Her eyes focused on his mouth, and she didn’t pull away.

But then she blinked, and the soft, dreamy look behind her eyes cleared. It was like a spell had been broken. The princess woke up, and she was not interested in a kitchen boy. Avery giggled nervously and moved back, putting just a handsbreadth of space between them, but the meaning was obvious enough.

Whatever he wanted, she wasn’t interested.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Avery

Avery stepped closer, narrowing her eyes to slits. Theo was being—weird. That was the only way to describe it. Weird. As. Fuck. “What’s going on with you?” she pressed.

Theo shifted and crossed his arms, looking away. He had to be cold, she realized, since, even with his jacket on, she was still freezing herself.

“Nothing.”

“Why were you being such a dick to Cameron?”

“He was a dick to me first.”

She glared at him, but it had no effect. “You were antagonizing him.”

“So? Isn’t the point to keep you away from him?”