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‘They’re in luuuurve . . .’ Reggie said hysterically.
‘He wants to kiss her!’ George joined in, bouncing up and down on the spot. Millie and Erin started laughing, and the room descended into hysteria, until Reggie turned round to point at Fox. ‘He’s just like you, Daddy!’ he shouted. ‘When you look at . . .’
Both boys shouted together, ‘Robyn!’ Then they looked at each other like bad actors with lovestruck faces and burst into giggles.
Erin stopped laughing. Millie tried to keep it going and shot a mortified look at Fox, who wanted the sofa to swallow him whole. The boys rolled around on the floor, singing, ‘Daddy and Robyn, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!’
Oh my God. Fox was dying.
‘Shh now, boys,’ Millie instructed, getting a hold of the situation. ‘Whoever finds the remote first gets a chocolate.’ It was enough motivation for the boys to stop.
Fox dared to look at Erin. He saw that the flush had now spread to both cheeks and across her whole neck and he felt the worst kind of person there was. Because Erin was lovely. She was thoughtful and kind, they did the same job, and as far as he knew she had no secret children of his or plans to travel to Botswana. She was perfect, on paper.
But when he looked at her glossy hair, he wished it was auburn waves. He looked at her dewy skin and realised the thing that was missing was freckles. He thought of all their conversations and how they hadn’t connected to his heart or his soul. He thought of the kiss he’d avoided when she arrived, and how he didn’t want to crush her to his chest.
It was simple. She was the wrong woman.
‘Erin,’ he said quietly, as the boys looked under the sofas for the remote control. ‘Do you think you could help me in the kitchen?’
And when they got there, she put her hand gently on his forearm, before he even opened his mouth, and said gently, ‘Please, don’t say a word. I’ve seen the look you get on your face when you talk about Robyn too.’ She smiled, and her lip only trembled a little. ‘And then when I met her at the masked ball, I could totally understand it. She’s absolutely gorgeous.’ Then she pulled on her coat and said, ‘I was thinking I might get off early, you know, to avoid the traffic. But honestly, I’ve had such a lovely day.’
She insisted on kissing Millie goodbye to say thank you, and high-fiving the boys, and then with a soft kiss on his cheek, and a whispered ‘Happy Christmas,’ she left.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Robyn
Robyn watched Fox’s back disappear from view and then she stared at the blank space left behind. An emptiness spread inside her, until her insides were filled only with a spiralling sensation, like hope running down a drain. He’d gone.
I need to think.
The words echoed in her mind, like a recurrent bad dream. First Finn and now Fox.
The words men said when they just weren’t that into her. The words they chose instead of saying, ‘I don’t want to be with you.’
I need to think.
The difference was that she didn’t need to think. Her heart was sure, her soul certain. She was in love with Fox. As soon as she’d said the words out loud, she’d known they were true. The attraction that she’d felt last year when they met had blossomed into something that took her breath away. The connection she felt with him was so deep and so strong that she would have sworn that he felt it too. But no – he needed to think.
Willow brought her back to the present with a squawk. Robyn rearranged her face into a smile, traced her baby’s face with her fingertip and bopped her on the tip of her tiny nose. Willow gurgled.
So, what happened next? What exactly did Fox need to think about? Was it whether he wanted to be a father to Willow? How could he not, she thought, as she kissed Willow’s hair, inhaling the scent of her baby shampoo? Maybe he’d want a paternity test. That was his right of course, although he had already seen genetic proof of her parentage for himself. Or perhaps, most painfully, he needed to think if he would ever trust Robyn again.
If they were going to be co-parenting, he would need to try at least. They would need to rely on each other to look after Willow in the right way, to bring her up to be the best she could be. Which brought her back to whether he wanted in, or out.
Was it whether he might have any feelings for Robyn herself?
Robyn felt a flicker of hope ignite in her heart, but she closed it off resolutely. If he had felt anything for her, at any time, he obviously didn’t now. And it didn’t matter, she told herself, if he loved her or not, just as long as he loved Willow. That was all that mattered. That he was a good father to their girl. She would stand back and never bother him again, and be a happy mum, if he just loved her girl.
Her heart stopped when her phone beeped.
Wren: Fox came to collect the boys again. Did you tell him?
Robyn: Yes.
Wren: How did it go?
Robyn: Badly. He needs to think.