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“What happened?” I interlace my fingers through hers. “Do I need to go buy some eggs from the store so we can throw them at Isaac’s house? Maybe toilet paper the trees like we’re in an old movie? Because I’ll do it. I’ll go to toilet paper war for you, Gwen.”

She sniffs. “No, we’re not doing that. That’s ridiculous.”

I clasp her hand like she could drift away. “Okay, then talk to me. You never even told me what happened.”

She stares at our hands. “You never asked what happened.”

My guilt grows claws, gnawing through my stomach. Gwen’s the one who always pushes when I pull, and I think, sometimes, I take it for granted. I thought it was her duty as the oldest, but I hope she pushes because she wants me in her life as much as I want her in mine.

“Yeah, I know, but I’m asking now.” After a minute of silence, I nudge her again. “Come on, talk to me.”

“Fine, but it’s not a big deal, so don’t scream in my ear like you always do.” She heaves a sigh. “Isaac ended things a while ago. I never told you this, but when I went to the doctor to look at freezing my eggs—”

“You did what?”

“Yeah, that’s another story. Anyway, I found out it’s going to be really difficult for me to have kids. That led to a whole thing. I told Isaac that, and he broke up with me because I guess I’m not enough. Anyway, that’s what happened. Are you hungry? We can get takeout since I burned the kitchen.”

Only Gwen could make that confession sound like a weather report. Her face is expressionless, but I know she only turns to stone when she feels the most. “I’m so sorry, Gwen, for all of it. Are you okay? You always said you weren’t sure about having kids.”

She’s quiet for a long time, twirling her thumbs. “You know, it took me having the option taken away to realize how badly I want that, but it’s probably for the best. I’d make a shitty mom.”

She spits the bitter words, and my heart overflows with sympathy. “No, you wouldn’t, and if that’s something you really want, you still have options. You can adopt or freeze your eggs. I don’t know the details, but I’ll help you.”

“It’s fine,” she sighs. “I mean, it’s not fine, but I can’t talk about this…”

“Okay, but if you ever need someone to listen, I’ve got big ears.”

She gives me a look. “What? I don’t get that.”

“Oh, um… Never mind. It’s a thing with me and Rhode.”

She smiles at that. “I’m happy you’re happy, by the way. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about everything with Isaac. Sometimes, I kind of hate myself for what I did to you. I really did think I was in love with him, but looking back, I never should’ve betrayed you like that.”

“So, why did you?” I whisper.

She twirls her thumbs. “I don’t know. You’re so much better than me. I guess I just wanted something you had because I’ve always been jealous of you.”

“What?” I jolt forward, brows soaring. “Why would you be jealous of me?”

She shoots me a wry glance. “Really, Nina? You’re funny, smart, and so brave for going against everyone and doing what you love with your fellowship. I’ve always been ambitious for the sake of being ambitious, trying to please everyone because I thought that would please me, but you’re so authentically yourself. You don’t care what people think.”

“I definitely care what other people think. I just pretend like I don’t.”

“It doesn’t seem that way.” She interlaces her fingers through mine, resting her foamy cheek on my head.

“Well, I’ve been comparing myself to you because you’re perfect and you don’t have to deal with a mess living inside your brain.”

“I’m not perfect, and you’re not a mess.” Gwen chuckles dryly. “So, we’ve both been spending our entire lives comparing ourselves to each other?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” I stare down at our feet which are exactly the same size. “What a waste of fucking time.”

My entire life, I’ve watched her climb these mountains of success while I’ve been dragging myself out of a ditch, and people only clap at life’s summits even though they both take the same amount of strength.

Gwen has her flaws, but we’ve both made mistakes. She might’ve stolen Isaac and lied to me, but three years ago, I told her that I hated her daily. Neither one of us was a sister worth fighting for. I never realized how far I’ve come from the pits of my own demons.

I clench her hand in a vice. “Isaac’s such a dick. What’d we ever see in him?”

“I don’t know…” She chews her bottom lip. “He had a nice ass.”