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Cadell closed his eyes. “I’m saying that… I need time. Forgive me.” What could she say to that? She could not force him to accept a situation he found so difficult. And she understood what he was saying, even if it hurt. At least he was asking for time, not saying he could not do this. “Knowing that I am only alive because the man you were married to sacrificed himself for me is not easy to accept. Being given his blessing to be with you is not a relief. Rather, it’s a burden I don’t know how to deal with.”

Did he feel ashamed? Guilty? Unworthy of Rhun’s trust?

“Will you come back to me at least?” she asked, sobs in her voice. “When you’ve fulfilled your mission, will you come back?”

He had to, he could not leave her, not now that she was actually free, not now that Rhun had given his life so that the two of them could be together. It would be too cruel if her husband’s sacrifice ended up being what kept them apart.

“I will come back.”

But the assurance did little to soothe her, because Cadell was saying that he would come back, but not necessarily to be with her.

“You said when Richard was reunited with Efa that there was nothing better than seeing two people who belonged to one another be reunited,” she reminded him. And the two of them certainly belonged to one another.

“I know. But I also know that it is not often that simple. Some people have to navigate more treacherous paths than others to be together. Look at Siaspar and Katherine. I should have known when you agreed to marry me that it was too easy, it was⁠—”

A knock on the door interrupted his declaration. No! Johanna’s mind instantly protested. They needed to finish this all-too important conversation.

“My lady?” a feminine voice called. “Can I come in?”

Before she could tell Angharad to come back later, Cadell stood up. He seemed relieved to have been interrupted, which only added to Johanna’s dismay. He was truly finding it hard to be with her.

“What is it?” he asked, opening the door a fraction.

“I have come to check on her ladyship,” the woman said. “Please. It would set everyone’s mind at rest to know how she is.”

Oh, now the people of Bryn Glas were worried about her! The irony.

“I’m fine!” Johanna exploded. She was not the one who had been hurt, and she needed time alone with the man she loved.

“It’s better to be sure, my lady,” Cadell replied with infuriating calm. “I will see you later tonight. I need to speak with Lord Sheridan anyway.”

With those words, he left the solar.

The last meal before Cadell’s departure was excruciating.

Lord Sheridan, who had come accompanied by a man called Matthew, who introduced himself as his brother, had stayed with them and Johanna was grateful for their presence in the great hall. Without them to keep a stream of conversation going, the meal would have been even more taxing. She might have collapsed and done the one thing she knew she should not do.

Fall to her knees and beg.

She’d had time to think earlier, alone in her solar, and she had concluded that if she were to ever win Cadell back, she would have to let him do this his way. He had gone through so much by her fault already. He had waited ten years for her, without any guarantees that he would see her again, she could wait ten weeks for him, or even ten months if that was what it took.

So tomorrow she would allow him to leave for England, and hope that when he came back, he would have realized that, as hard as it was, he could accept Rhun’s sacrifice, because the alternative was worse.

“I had a word with the people of Bryn Glas this afternoon, while Angharad was seeing to you,” Lord Sheridan informed her, as they were finishing a delicious venison pie. The castle might not be quite ready yet, but the food had improved dramatically in the last few weeks, thanks to the cook’s gratitude over her treatment of Efa. “They all agreed to keep secret the fact that the man who killed Edwin had been their old master, whom everyone thought dead. It would serve little purpose to know that he didn’t die in the ambush and the important part is that the castle is now safe from the Englishmen.”

“I agree,” she said. “Safe thanks to his sacrifice, Cadell’s bravery, and your timely intervention.”

There was no denying that things would have gone completely different without him.

“Please. I’m only sorry I didn’t arrive sooner.”

“How did you even know you had to come to the rescue?” Cadell asked the question already on her lips.

“It was a complete stroke of luck. Matthew had arrived that morning at Castell Esgyrn, visiting from England with his wife.” He nodded to the blond man to his right, who carried on with the tale.

“On the last day of our journey, Branwen and I happened on a retinue of Englishmen making their way to Anglesey. They had stopped to water their horses in the same stream as we did. As we were getting ready to ride again, I overheard two of them discuss what peasants had told them the day before, that there were places ripe for the taking all round the area, if one were bold enough to seize them. At least that was how they interpreted it. I doubt the Welsh people would have told Englishmen to steal land that did not belong to them.”

“No.” Johanna nodded. How lucky that Matthew Hunter should have overheard Sir Hubert and Edwin’s plans. What would have happened otherwise did not bear thinking about.